Dear Diary: Week 23 & 24

*Really late with this post*

These last few week have been busy but slow. I had a week off work about 2 weeks ago which was heaven, I didn't want to go back. I would say I will get a lot of time off when the baby is here, but we all know looking after babies can be a full time job. But it's a job I'm actually looking forward to having. 

Nothing much had changed pregnancy wise. Except I am enjoying being pregnant a lot more. My nerves are still there, when I eat something a bit to salty or I eat a fair bit of chocolate during the day, I panic I'm going to hurt the baby some how. I know that it's not as simple as that and I do drink lots of water and eat some fruit and veg each day. I find it difficult but I try. 

I have started to feel her move a lot more now which is always reassuring, and I've even started to see movements, tiny little movements on top of the skin. Mainly when I am in the bath (I have even got it on video). It makes me so happy feeling her move, knowing she is in there, happy, healthy, comfy. 

As each day passes I get that little bit more nervous about being a mum, about having everything she needs, being everything she needs. 

These last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. I know I can pin it down to hormones and get away with it, but hearing a slow soppy song on my iPod, and I'm in floods. But every time I cry I feel that sense of relief, like a good cry can really sort you out. 

Changes to my body over these last two weeks have really started to stand out. My boobs are HORRIBLE, I mean it, they are horrid, people always think that when you're pregnant and your boobs go big that it's amazing. Well 1) I have never liked big boobs, my clothes and dress sense doesn't suit them. 2) They are so uncomfortable. 3) They are pregnancy boobs, and they look like it too. 

My belly button looks very strange. I think it may pop out soon.

My legs and bum also don't look great either. I know I have put weight on and I know it's down to me. Sometimes it upsets me, sometimes it just makes me realise that I will work hard to get into shape. 

My cravings are the same, milk in the morning, fizzy pop in the afternoon. And I find that I am really thirsty a lot at night time too. I could go all morning without a drink (except milk) if I didn't force myself to have water. But at night time, right before bed I have to drink a bottle of water, I don't know why this is?

I've also been thinking a lot about whether or not I'm going to breastfeed. I always said I wanted to, because of all the benefits, for both me and the baby. But the closer I get and the more thinking I do about it, I'm starting to wonder whether it's right for me or not? If anyone has any advise please let me know?
I'm more worried about the restrictions that come with breast feeding. Feeling like I can't go any where, because I'm not the kind of person that would feel comfortable breast feeding in public. That and what if I need my mum or sister to look after her for a few hours, I know I can express milk, but won't I still fill up ready for her normal feed times, and then what do I do? 

Please can someone shed some light on this for me?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: 11 Things About (my) Pregnancy

Every pregnancy is different, and every person is different. These are 11 things I have realised since finding out I was pregnant. 

1. Your Personality Traits Heighten

I have always been a worrier, a paranoid hypochondriac. Before I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to enjoy pregnancy, having a nice round bump, feeling the baby kick & having that wonderful pregnancy glow... Instead I have gone into worrier overdrive, every little thing makes me jump on the phone to my doctor. Which brings me onto number 2...

2. Google is Both a Blessing and a Curse

Every one of my friends will tell how I literally googled everything, from headaches & tummy aches to more serious problems, and I would convince myself that I was dying, or close to dying, but all it would take it that one positive answer and I would relax (or just go to the doctors). It's the same in pregnancy, you google like little pain and you're convinced something is wrong. On the flip side I have received some very reassuring advice on "netmums" so it's not all dramatic. 

3. Putting on Weight is GOING to Happen

Food has always been my worst enemy, I've struggled to be skinny, and I have forced myself to go hungry. But once you're pregnant everything changes, your insecurities are still there but you realise that if you want a nice healthy baby you have to do what it takes. I'm hungry all the time, and I have put on weight, but I'll eat for my baby, I will make sure I am healthy for her. If I choose not to lose it after the baby is born then that's down to me. I know I will have to work hard, but I know I will do it the right way this time. And with this weight gain, you get used to people noticing.

4. Morning Sickness doesn't Exist

You think that it's a big sign that you're pregnant when you start throwing up your guts in the morning. Nope this is a lie! My sickness happened to be between 5pm and 6pm and I would feel nausea all day long. But it really does get better in the second trimester. 

5. It is Not Easy

Some women are super women, some women are not. I haven't had an easy pregnancy. Some days are better than others, some days I just want to wallow. Any one that makes you feel like you're being over dramatic or like there is actually nothing wrong needs a big fat punch in their face! 

6. People Change

Everyone around you either becomes all about the baby, or they run for the hills. Whether that be family or friends. And you suddenly attract anyone who is pregnant or has a baby, it's like a club. At the moment it seems that everyone is pregnant or has just had a baby, it's definitely baby season. I have noticed that the family who I thought would be there, haven't been, and vice versa. It is true that a baby can mend broken relationships. 

7. You Love your Partner 100x More

People have said to me plenty of times in the past that I will stop loving my husband as much when I fall pregnant. But it's just not true. Luke has given me something so special and so intimate, how could I not love him more? We have created life together, and it's one more thing that we will go through together, this will be for the rest of our lives. What greater bond is there than to make someone so perfect and special with the person that you love. He's been there for everything, every time I worry, he worries. Every time I feel the baby move, he's excited. He's the father of my child. I love him 100x times more. 

8. People Will Touch Your Bump

Even random strangers will congratulate you on being pregnant, they will ask you if it's okay to touch your bump. Your friends will just feel your bump without asking. It doesn't matter to me who you are, you're welcome to feel my bump, it makes me smile, it makes me feel great about myself. It's best when the person touching your bump feels the baby move for the first time, their faces lights up like yours does every time the baby moves. 

9. Midwives are NOT Sympathetic 

Midwives clearly see pregnant women every hour of every day. But I have realised that they don't really sympathise with you. When you're worried or have concerns they kind of make you feel like you're stupid and you shouldn't even be pregnant. Most midwives I have seen during my pregnancy have has the "I can not be bothered being here" attitude, like you're getting in their way. The first midwife I saw at my first midwife appointment, was absolutely lovely, she really reassured me that she thought every thing is going to be okay. I wish they could all be like her...

10. My Doctor is My Life Saver

Because I don't feel comfortable around the midwives, I feel like I can't ask them anything personal. I always go to my doctor. From the moment I found out I was pregnant she has been there for every thing. If I ring up to make an appointment and the receptionist says there is none, my doctor rings me back and squeezes me in. If I've been at the hospital she will ring me to make sure I am okay, and she's just been my rock. I honestly don't know where I would be without her. 

11. You Love Your Baby Before She is Here

I know that to every one else it's just a bump, sometimes I think to myself how can there be a little human in there. But there is. She's my baby, and I love her more than life it self. And I will do ANY thing to keep her safe. Finding out I was pregnant was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Finding out I am having a girl was so precious. 

How has your pregnancy been?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: Week 19 & 20

I can finally write this post. After moving we haven't had internet, and although I could write this on my phone through the app, it's not the same and I wanted to wait until we had wifi.

Week 19 and 20 have been very busy.
First with the house move, which went amazingly well, this was in week 19. But my pregnancy that week was very difficult, I started to feel really poorly whilst I was at work. It kind of felt like I was hungover, I was really tired, feeling weak and queasy and my head was pounding. I had to go home, when I got home I just slept the whole afternoon. It was the same the day after, I needed to sleep a lot. So on Monday I went to the doctors and had my bloods taken, whilst I was there she checked my blood pressure and my sugar levels, which both were on the low side. She told me to rest and take it easy. I have been really good for not taking paracetamol for anything during my pregnancy but I had to take paracetamol for my head aches. A couple days went by, and I just put my feet up, and my blood results came back and my iron levels were very very low, which is odd because I have been on iron tablets since I found out I was pregnant. So I've had to double up doses, but this has made me feel a bit groggy.
By the weekend I started to feel a little better, and that's when the house move started. Luckily for me it was easy, because I couldn't actually help with the lifting and moving, so I was appointed 'brew maker' for the day, was fine with me.
It's been a bit emotional moving back into our own place. The day after my mum came down to help build furniture, and the first thing she built was the baby's cot. I love it, and I am now always walking in her room, we just need to get her wardrobe and drawers and then I can really start planning.

Week 20 had it's own excitement... One, we named our child. Two, we got to see our little girl again.

Firstly the name: This has been something that me and Luke have spoke about for what feels like since we met when we was twelve, infact I remember having a silly conversation when we was younger saying that we would one day have 12 kids and they all had funny names. But on a serious note, since we started talking about having a baby we started talking baby names. We got our boys name sorted but we could never ever agree on a girls name. So when we found out we are having a girl we had to really think about it, we just would not agree for ages.
Luke just mentioned a name one day that he liked and I just out it down on the list not really getting excited about it, then we decided to name her one thing, but I could tell we both had just settled on it because it was getting tough. Then Luke mentioned this name again, and it just sort of felt right, it was lovely all of a sudden and now I love it.
Her name is...

Indie Autumn Barnett

Her middle name has meaning behind it also. Everything happens in Autumn for us, Luke proposed to me in Autumn, we got married in Autumn, and I found out I was having our baby in Autumn (not that she'll know that last bit until she's old enough). 

I really love her name, and everyone that knows seems to like it, I know you shouldn't care about what people think, but I do want people to like it and understand it. I also wanted a name that couldn't be shortened down, I don't like nick-names. 

The scan: 

My scan was on a Friday and waiting the whole week was torture. I could feel her moving around at nights so I was feeling confident that she was okay, but there was always doubt in my mind. I was working that morning, and could not wait to finish and get to that hospital. I didn't want to make the same mistake and go with a very very full bladder this time. So I didn't drink as much and I felt okay, I knew that this scan would take longer because it was all health checks. The woman was lovely and as soon as she put the scanner onto my stomach she said straight away that she could see her heart beat and the baby. I could then enjoy seeing my beautiful little girl on the screen. I also asked if she could double check the gender, just to be on the safe side. She did all the health checks and we got to see her fingers and her toes, it was amazing seeing her feet so clear and her hands. She kept moving her arms and legs everywhere. I got to see her looking towards us, it was just amazing. But she was also being a little wriggler and wouldn't let the woman get what she needed straight away so I had to move around to get the baby to move in the right position. She got everything she needed and said all the health checks were perfectly fine and everything looks normal, THANK GOD! 

She also double checked the scan and she said "yep definitely a girl" another THANK GOD! She already had everything pink! 

My symptoms are slowing down now, I don't get much sickness. But everything is growing, and when I say everything I mean everything. There is no denying I am pregnant now. People are asking me straight away, without doubting themselves. I like having a bump though, everyone wants to touch it. Which again I like, any moment I get to talk about being pregnant, or having a baby, I will talk about it. 

I still crave milk a lot in the morning and frizzy pop in the night. 

Her movements are amazing now, she kicks quite hard sometimes, not so it's uncomfortable, but it's noticeable. Luke felt his first proper kick 3 nights ago, he was so happy, seeing his face light up is jus amazing, he can now feel apart of it. We started talking to the bump a bit, but we both still feel kind of silly doing so.  

She kicks mainly at 3/4 in the morning, which wakes me up. It's bittersweet, because I'm awake at 4 in the morning which tires me out for the rest of the day, but I get to feel my baby move. 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: 15 & 16 Weeks

Late late late post. But these last two weeks have sort of melted into one.

Work has been really busy and really stressful. I get up, I go to work, I come home, I go to bed. That has been my life for the last two weeks. It's so tiring but I've got to keep going.

Along with working crazy hours and days, we have been searching the high heavens for our own place, it's got to be the right area, the right price with the right transportation links. It's not easy, hopefully soon we will find the right place for us all soon. I want to make this move stick, I'm fed up of moving every year!

Week 15 was pretty quiet for baby, other than me trying to feel baby move there isn't much to say.
Week 16 however!!! We had our private gender scan, which was the most amazing experience of my life. Finding out that we are having a baby girl. Every day since my scan I have stared at her face, smiling and knowing she's perfect. She has made everything fall into perspective for us. We now know what we want for her, what we need for her. I want her to be happy, need for nothing and be loved by absolutely every one that matters!

I can't wait to feel her move. I'm starting to feel little poppings and fluttered, but they are on and off, so I can't be 100% sure what I am feeling is actually the baby. 

Now we just need to pick her name. 

I'm still struggling for names, I love one name but then I start doubting it. I think we're closer, as we have started to narrow it down to our favourite. 

These last two weeks have been a tad emotional, maybe from being over tired, maybe from hormones, but I can literally cry over everything. I am pretty good at not crying in front of people unless something stresses me out to much. Crying at work, in front of my Team Leader was probably the most embarrassing time I have cried so far, I'm not sure he knew what to do.

Letting everything get to me this week has been difficult, I feel like I am constantly apologising to Luke for being horrible to him, for no reason. But in the next breath I want cuddles, kisses and his attention. Luke's always been good at managing my mood swings. He's so patient, he needs a medal I think.  

My bump is getting big now, and everything I have to wear is getting very uncomfortable. I even bought bigger stuff, but that's not the right way to go, they fit around the bump but every where else they look ridiculous. It makes me both sad and happy to see my clothes not fitting. I'm sad because it means I'm getting bigger, but I'm happy because I know my baby girl is growing stronger, and bigger every day. 

Every one can tell I am pregnant, there is no second guessing anymore, it's just all bump.

Cravings this week haven't changed, it's milk milk milk, in the morning, that's all I can think about when I wake up. 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary... IT'S A...

GIRL!!!

I can not express how over the moon I am about finding out the gender of our baby. But mostly I felt relief knowing that everything was okay. 

Strangely enough I slept really well last night, I thought I would be awake wondering if the baby was okay. But I slept right through, I have been really tired lately. I woke up super early though but refrained from getting ready and setting off way to early. It was hard. 

All the way there, I was drinking lots of water making sure my bladder was full and ready, by the time I got there I was uncomfortable and really needed to go, but I stopped myself.

I took Luke (of course), my mum, her husband, my sister and my friend. All piling into a small room ready to see whether my baby was a boy or a girl. 

The sonographer was a really friendly woman, and she explained everything to us. But as soon as she put the scanner onto my stomach she said she thinks she knows what it is, but my bladder was too full and that I would have to empty it. I was relieved but confused. Apparently you only need a full bladder before 12 weeks, after it's completely empty. 

When I came back the scanner was literally on my stomach for about 30 seconds and she confirmed that it was what she thought... It's a girl! 

I started getting tearful, and started shaking, and the woman asked if I was okay, but I didn't want to cry in front of everyone, so I kept it to myself. I know if it was just me and Luke I would of been blubbering so much. I managed to keep my cool. 

As soon as the woman turned the screen onto 4D, it was so overwhelming. There she was, my baby girl, wriggling around, arms and legs all tucked in. She was really cuddling and snuggling up to me. I was in love again! 

Her little arms and legs so skinny. She was hiding from us a little bit, so the woman starting "gently" poking my stomach to get her to lower her arms. Which she did for us. 

At the point whilst I was watching my daughter (OMG I can say daughter) move, Zoe asked the woman how she knew that it was a girl. She explained by saying that they have to check using 2D and for a boy they can see a Snail like shape at the bottom, but for a girl they see three lines, she was pretty confident and told us how many scans she does a week so she knew what she was looking for. 

I have been saying since I found out I was pregnant, that I had a feeling it was a girl. I guess it's just instinct, some people just know don't they.

I was crazy about my little girl within seconds, and then we saw her face...

"Look at her little button nose" the lady kept saying to me. I have a little button nose, I am just over the moon with her. She's beautiful, and I always said that 4D scans looked strange, but it's different I suppose, that's my little girl there and she's perfect!

Everything was going great and seeing her move around and seeing her face was amazing. But the best was to come... 

Anyone that knows me, you don't even need to know me well, but you will know that I suck my thumb. Always have, always will. And there was my baby girl, sucking her thumb. That was it, both me and Luke knew she was ours, we created her. She was sucking her thumb, just like me... her mum. I couldn't believe it. I know so many babies do this, and it may not be special to anyone, but I've sucked my thumb my entire life, and I know what it is for me, it's my comfort, and to see my baby doing the same thing, and snuggling up to me was just what I needed to see. 

I would highly recommend Hello Baby, they were so nice and made me feel like I wasn't one of 200 women a week going for the same thing. The sonographer kept telling me my baby was a cutie, and made me feel really relaxed. And the bed was ridiculously comfy. I need one of those.

It's a bit far away, but definitely worth the drive. Seeing my baby like this was the best experience I have ever had to date. And was a priceless moment. Something I was carry with me forever, something I will share with my daughter one day, a precious memory.

How did you find out the gender of your baby?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: Coming Soon...

Boy or Girl?

We will find out tomorrow! Keep Posted! 

I'll be posting my week 15 & 16 together, not much happened in 15. 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: Boy or Girl? And what will I call them?

The big question: Boy or Girl?!?!

I bet it's the first thing that most newly pregnant women and their partners think about. OMG what am I having?! A boy? Or a girl?A lot of people say that they aren't bothered just as long as the baby is healthy, but they only say this when they are pregnant. And it's true, I'm not bothered what my baby is as long as my baby is healthy and happy. But before I was pregnant I thought I wanted a boy, I could just imagine my little boy to look just like Luke, dark hair, olive skin, dark eyes. But the more and more I think about it, I can now imagine a little girl, pale skin, bright green eyes and chocolate brown hair. Both are perfect in my mind. A lot of people ask the question “would you find out what you're having before they're born?” my answer is always “HELL YES” I am way to impatient not to. Plus I want that nice surprise when I can enjoy it. If I find out at birth is won't be a case of excitement over what sex the baby is, it'll be a case of “I don't care, as long as they are healthy?!”

I always said that I didn't want to pay for the gender scan, because I thought it was pointless, a few weeks later you have the 21 week scan and you can find out then. But after speaking to the midwife after my last scan, she told me that yes they can tell you the gender if it's visible to them, the scan really isn't for telling you the gender, it's more about the health checks.
So I booked my private gender scan with a company called Hello Baby, specialise in bonding scans. I originally booked mine for when I was exactly 17 weeks pregnant, but yesterday they moved my appointment forward so I will be 16+4 when I see my baby next.
I can't tell you how nervous/excited I am. I will so much more relaxed when I can see the baby move again.

When it comes to names it's the biggest conversation on mine and Luke's topic of discussion. Naming a person is the biggest thing I have had the thing about, it's so permanent. Not only have they got to suit it now, but what about when they are older? And what about other peoples opinion? It all matters right, or am I over thinking this, should I just go with what I want and not care about other people, easier said that done because I don't really know what I want. Boys names are easier I feel.

I really like traditional names for boys but for girls it's not so easy finding something I like, there reason isn't "traditional" names for girls. There's current names or older names. My friend sent me a list of 100 girls names to pick from, I chose 4 that could be a possibility.

We have settled on Joseph for a boy, but I do not want it to get shortened to Joe or Joey. This is going to be a hard task but everyone close to me knows how I feel. I love the name Joseph not Joe.

We are really undecided on a girls name. Do we want something a bit more unique, or something cute or something "normal" ?

Boys Names: 
Joseph
Jonah
Arthur

Girls Names:
Madison
Annie
Ivy
Autumn
Willow      

How did you decide on a name?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: Hello Baby/Gender Scan

Booking my private gender scan was beyond nessesary for me. I am the most impatient person in the world. And I also think that people who wait until baby is born to find out, they're going to be too tired and too bothered about the baby being healthy than what the sex actually is. So I'm looking forward to being in a calm state of mind when I find out

Of course all I want is a beautiful healthy baby which I will get no matter what the sex of my child is. But when I comes down to what sex I would like... 

Before me and Luke even started trying for a baby I always said I'll probably have a boy, I always thought that Luke had stronger features than me and that it would carry over onto a little boy who looks just like his daddy. We started trying and I carried them thought over. But now that I'm expecting, I have this feeling that I can't explain, but I think it may be a girl. More or less everyone that I have spoken to says them same. Luke's nan swears it's a girl, she's so adoment that her and Luke but a £10 bet on it. Just for a bit of a laugh. 

My best friends Abbie (who is also my sister) and Zoe have bet too. Abbie thinks boy. Zoe thinks girl. Their bet is for whoever wins gets first babysitting duty. So cute. 

My friend actually reccomended Hello Baby for my gender scan, it's where she went for hers and they treat her so nice. When she went for the scan the baby was led in a position they couldn't see what the baby was, so they rescheduled her for the week after. You get the prints of the baby and a 15 minute DVD, and it's only £60 (although you may have to pay extra for the DVD, I can't remember). Which I think is a great price and it's 4D too. I'm beyond excited. 

I booked my appointment for the 29th January when I will be 17 weeks pregnant. 

www.hellobaby4dscan.co.uk

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: My Cravings

FOOD!

I crave to eat everything all the time! I can not stop eating, some days I feel incredibly guilty because I've always been one to watch what I eat and when I eat it. But I can't help it, when I'm hungry I know it's not safe for me or the baby to "starve" myself.
At the same time I'm enjoying eating like a pig. They say you shouldn't increase your calorie intake too much in the first 2 trimesters, but the way I was eating before I was pregnant wasn't healthy.
I just keep telling myself that whatever I put on during pregnancy I will have to work hard to lose it when I've had the baby! If I don't work hard I'll have myself to blame.

I loved Indian and Chinese food before I was pregnant, but now the thought of both really turns my stomach! It's really unfair too because later in pregnancy when they tell me to eat a hot curry, am I going to be able to?

My main craving is Vinegar! I don't know what it is, but I crave the tanginess a lot. I tried eating pickles to help, gerkins, onions etc... but they made me throw up and now I can't eat onions! I can't win.
It was when my sister bought me some Salt & Vinegar Pringles that I discovered how much I needed them in my life. I went crazy for them, still do. They have so much flavour on them, I will sit there with a full big box of them licking all the flavour off each one. And I will only stop when Luke takes them away from me and says I've had enough! :(

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: My Pregnant Celeb Crush

Obviously it's Blake Lively, she's always been drop dead gorgeous. I remember first watching her is Gossip Girl honestly about 6 years ago. She was my favourite human being ever. I went to New York and tried sipping Martini's in the Palace Hotel because that's what Serena did on the program. I've always followed her and idolised her, from her hair, clothes, make-up, career and now her pregnancy! She is glowing, and I hope to god I start feeling this good soon in my pregnancy!

She makes pregnancy look amazing, obviously I have no idea how she really feels, how her pregnancy has been from the start, but to stand in front of that many people and cameras and have that much spirit is amazing. I can't wait to feel like a million dollars. Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: My Scan Days

The moment we have all been waiting for, or just me?

I'll start with my first ever scan, it was at five weeks pregnant (at the point it was give or take a few days) when I first found a bit of spotting. It was on Friday 14th November. I was in floods of tears, I had no make-up on, my hair hadn't even been brushed but I honestly didn't care. I was sent to the Early Pregnancy unit at Burnley hospital, and the midwife there said it was completely normal to spot in early pregnancy but she would send me for a scan anyway, she also told me it may be too early to see anything, and not to panic if they don't. So I went down to their anti-natal, ultrasound department and had to wait in a waiting room, with lots of expectant mothers. I felt extremely uncomfortable, but I got on with it, I was called in with two minutes and the nurse who was doing the scan told be to relax and be comfortable and she explained what she was looking for. So I laid down, my mum right by my side, and the nurse started the scan but told me my bladder wasn't full enough and that she would have to do an internal scan. So I emptied what was in my bladder and came back for the internal scan. I wasn't bothered that my mum was there, I was happy she was, I needed her there. So the nurse explained to me about the internal scan, which I vaguely remember having one right before my m/c nearly 6 years ago. I was a nervous wreck and the nurse seemed to be looking forever, and it hurt a little, she finally stopped and told me she could see a pregnancy sac and a yolk (which the baby is made from) but she said it's way too early to see a fetal pole or a heartbeat. So I went back to the EPU and the midwife there just explained again what the nurse could see, and she said I would have to come back for a scan in two weeks, however she booked my scan for 3 weeks later.

I started to calm down a bit but the wait killed me. I was still getting pregnancy symptoms and my hormones level were through the roof, so it was all reassuring.  

On the 2nd December the day finally come for me to go for my next scan, at this point from my first dates I was about 9 weeks pregnant. So I got up at the crack of dawn, drank lots of water and went back to the EPU in Burnley, I was half an hour early for my appointment and this time Luke was with me. The midwife called me in straight away and asked the right questions and told me to lay on the bed and she would have a look, so I didn't go to the ultrasound department this time. The midwife told me my bladder was empty and that the water I drank hadn't reached my bladder just yet and said she would have to do another internal, I was devastated, it was the last thing I wanted since the last one hurt me! But she kept looking on my stomach and she found my baby! It was amazing, I burst out into tears, and I saw the heartbeat flickering away before she even pointed it out to me. The baby didn't look like a baby at this point and the midwife said I was measuring to be about 8 weeks pregnant, so I was put back nearly a week. I asked for a picture of the scan but the midwife told me I wasn't allowed one and that she couldn't even sell me one, which upset me but I think it was because it was a medical scan, not a normal one? Maybe?

That week on the 5th December I had my first midwife appointment which went great and they made me feel a bit more relaxed about my pregnancy and whats normal and what isn't. They also booked my 12 week dating scan for the 30th December at 10:40am, I was so please it was before the New Year, and it was in the same month, which made it feel a lot closer. Until a week in when it seemed to be dragging.
On the 30th December, I literally woke up at 1am and just couldn't get back to sleep it was an absolute nightmare. I then got up at 7am, and started pottering around trying to kill some time. It wasn't easy. The appointment letter told me to drink 2 pints of water an hour before the appointment and not the visit the toilet before hand. So I went to the toilet at 9o'clock, I drank 3 bottles of water and set off to the hospital. I got there for 10:20am and signed in and was asked to wait in the waiting room, at this point I started to really feel my bladder, my appointment time came and my appointment time went, I was in agony! I was dying to go to the toilet. At 11am they finally called me in, and I told the nurse straight away that I was bursting for the toilet, and they apologised and said someone called in sick but if I'm ever feeling that uncomfortable again I was to tell the receptionist, she was really nice and I was making a joke of really needing to pee. Anyway she started the scan and was amazed at how clear it was because of how full my bladder was. I wasn't thinking about the toilet anymore, I saw my baby again, but this time an actual baby, and it was moving and jolting around inside me, again I was in floods of tears and Luke's face was a picture! I don't think he knew what to expect! The nurse pointed out everything to us, it's heart beating, it's little face, legs and arms. She told me my bladder was that full it was pushing the baby up making baby move a lot more, I was so shocked that the baby was moving so much but I couldn't feel a single thing.
She finished the scan and I had to run to the toilet, so I didn't get a chance to ask her if everything was okay. When I came out another lady asked me to wait in the waiting room after getting my picture tokens. Luke said he had asked the nurse if everything was okay whilst he was waiting for me and she said everything looks completely normal, putting my mind at rest!
I was then called in for the second part of my appointment and a midwife there went through everything, they moved my dates forward by 5 dates, so I was actually closer to 13 weeks than 12. Which is always good news. She told me everything looked perfectly fine with the baby and that I don't need to worry as much. I have been given my 20 week scan date for the 20th February which at first didn't seem that far off but I know it's feel like forever.
I am booking a private gender scan for the 29th January anyway so I have that to look forward.

But for now, this is my amazing baby, I can not stop looking at this picture, I am in love!

 Baby's first picture. 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: 12 & 13 Weeks Pregnant

Okay so I'm writing this at 13 weeks as I had my dating scan this week and they moved my dates forward by a few days.So I'm trying to play catch up now, so then hopefully I can be on the button each week.
But I'll recap over this last week anyway.
So going into week 12 was a big thing for me and my nerves, knowing I was at that vital crossing line and taking the risk of miscarriage down significantly was something I have been waiting and waiting for since finding out I was pregnant. Don't get me wrong the paranoia and the anxiety is still well and truly there, but I'm learning to live with it.
My symptoms haven't all gone, but they are less prominent, which is always good, I'm starting to feel a bit more human than I have been. The one thing I can not get over is the amount of times I sneeze in a day, I don't have allergies, and I don't have a cold, my doctor said this is normal with all the blood rushing to my baby that my sinus's can be affected.
My nausea seems to have stopped, only every now and again I'll feel it for 10 minutes at the most, or if something turns my stomach, but that doesn't last long.
Going for my scan was absolutely amazing but I'm going to write about that in it's own post.
My mum has already started buying, or finding things for the baby, and I just keep looking at everything I can't afford just yet. There's a lot of saving to do, as I would love to be back in my own place before the baby is here. It's what we need.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: 10 & 11 Weeks Pregnant

I thought I would write about these two weeks together, as they have both been very similar.
I'm still a paranoid mess, but I'm starting to relax about the pregnancy a bit more, and trying to enjoy it. It helps that I am back at work now, and have that bit of normality back into my life.
My Team Leader and Manager both know about the pregnancy and they have both made me feel really comfortable. Knowing that they are okay with me and knowing how nervous I am, has made me feel so much better being back at work. I needed to go one day because I was getting terrible pains and I was so worried, I literally just had to email my manager and say I have to go, and walked out. He understood completely and didn't make me feel like I had done anything wrong, which is so reassuring, knowing that they understand my needs. A few people have been asking what's wrong with me and why was I off for so long, some rumor went around that I was leaving, but I guess people will find out the truth sooner or later. We had our Christmas party, with free wine and beer, obviously I couldn't drink, and used the excuse I was on antibiotics, which isn't a lie, I was actually on them, so no lying for me, yey! I don't know if people started guessing from then. I
I'm still not sleeping very well, waking up during the night to go to the toilet, but not getting back to sleep. So I end up falling to sleep very early the next night. It's hard getting out of the vicious circle.
As for symptoms, everything seems to be calming down a bit, my boobs are still tender, but sickness has more or less disappeared. But with the exception to funny smells, they turn my stomach a lot, and I've never really been queasy. I've been put off certain foods, baby doesn't like Indian or Chinese food, and I love both! It's a nightmare.
I'm getting a mad craving for vinegar lately, well anything tangy, but I can't have pickled anything because that knocks me sick. I sneeze so much, but sometimes it really hurts in my stomach, like a really sharp stabbing pain, but apparently it's just my ligaments stretching.
Bump is getting a lot bigger now and it's getting hard to stop people from noticing, I think people at work are guessing anyway.
I have my dating scan in a matter on days I can't wait. I'm very nervous, but once I know the baby is safe and healthy I'll be able to enjoy seeing him or her.
I'm 12 weeks tomorrow!
We bought baby's first outfit today, so cute, it's got a doggy that looks just like Elijah on, and the hat has little ears! It's amazing. 

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: 9 Weeks Pregnant

 WOW. Week nine...
Has been crazy, we had our scan on Tuesday the 2^nd of December which confirmed that our little baby's heart is beating... I was so nervous driving up to the hospital, I tried drinking loads and loads of water so that the midwife wouldn't have to do an internal scan. When we got there at 9am she took me straight in but the water hadn't made it through to my bladder yet and she very nearly had to do another internal scan, but she kept looking on top on my stomach and she found Baby-B. It was amazing seeing my baby's little heart beating so fast, I was so emotional and cried. I did ask the midwife for a picture but she wouldn't let me have one, I was a bit gutted but I'll get a photo at my 12 weeks scan.
On Friday the 5^th December we had our first midwife appointment, lots of questions about our family medical history and our own medical history. Midwife reassured me that she thinks everything is going to be okay with our baby but that reassurance only lasted until I was out of the room. It made it feel more real about being pregnant, getting my book, seeing the baby.
The midwife also told us it's never to early to start talking to our baby, so baby gets used to our voices and recognizes us. So every night Luke will say goodnight to me and goodnight to Baby-B, and every morning before he leaves for work he says goodbye to Baby-B... Further along we will start speaking to baby properly, for now we kind of feel a bit silly.
As for symptoms this week; my boobs are still very very sore, but sickness has backed off a little, every now and again something will knock me sick, but it passes, I have had a lot of cramps and pains this week which I have read up and they are normal, when I sneeze I get a really sharp pain on my right side which is called Round Ligament Pain, I have rang and seen my doctor to confirm. My doctor will be so fed up of seeing me by the end of this pregnancy, but she has been a star. It's been really helpful having a doctor that cares!
I'm due back at work this weekend, I'm more nervous about the questions people might ask. I'm not a very good liar, but I'm not ready to tell everyone yet. I want to wait until the 12 week mark, just so I know myself I'm safer. I'm going to tell me Team Leader, just so I have someone to trust and depend on a little in the work place. Sometimes there you need 5 minutes to yourself but it can be so hard to get! I'm going back with a relaxed attitude, knowing that my baby and me are more important! Fingers crossed it's not to stressful. 

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: 8 Weeks Pregnant

Week eight has been uneventful. Not many changes other than my belly is definitely expanding. As for symptoms, same old nausea which is tiring me out so much, and very very sore boobs. I can't even look at them without wincing.
It's not to long, 4 days until our scan, I'm doing everything I can to ensure this baby is going to be okay, a beautiful healthy baby!
I've been feeling a bit emotional this week, and everything annoys me. I'm snapping at everything and everyone. In mine and Luke's current situation things are hard, and with my hormones going crazy so is my mind. But hopefully everything will be okay.
As for cravings, again nothing specific, I'm just craving food, food, food. I'm trying to eat a lot of fruit but it's hard, normally the fruits I like, I now don't. I'm eating a lot of oranges. Which is just my body's way of asking for certain vitamins.


Week nine will be more interesting as I will of had my scan.


Can't wait to see Baby-B. 

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: 7 Weeks Pregnant

Well where do I start?
I'm writing this closer to 8 weeks rather than on the day I hit the 7 week mark.
It's been a crazy, emotional, messy week. On Friday the 14^th, I spotted a little, which sent me into crazy panic mode, I was hysterical, I remember ringing Luke, who was and work, and I couldn't talk. I went straight to the doctors, (not my usual doctor) who sent me up to the Burnley's Early Pregnancy Unit (EPU). There they told me that spotting is normal in early pregnancy and that I shouldn't worry about it to much, but they would send me for a scan anyway, the midwife told me that as I was just 6 weeks pregnant that it may be to early to see anything just yet and not to panic if they don't.
So I had the normal belly scan and my bladder wasn't full enough so they did a horrible internal scan, and the woman who was doing the scan was lovely and explained what she could see... Which was the pregnancy sac and the yolk. Which was good news. No baby or heart beat just yet but they think my dates might be slightly off. So I have another scan booked in for the 2^nd December, which from my doctors dates will make me closer to 9 weeks.
I was still an emotional wreck, every now and again bursting into tears begging, hoping, wishing everything will be okay. The same day my normal doctor rang me to ask if I was okay and said she was sorry that she wasn't in the practice to see me that morning, she made me an appointment for that evening and said she would do blood test. So I went down with Luke for these blood tests, and my doctor said that realistically if the hormone level comes back less than 2000 it's not a good sign...
So I had to wait all weekend not knowing what was happening, and after the internal scan I was loosing a tiny bit of blood, which made me panic naturally, but I got the weekend out of the way, and waiting nervously in the doctors waiting room. She called me name and I was ready to cry right then. I went in and she was really happy and asking if I was still having pregnancy symptoms, and of course I was/am. She then told me my hormone levels are 31000!!! ridiculously high! This way amazing news! It was definitely what I needed to hear. It's still not 100% sure that nothing is wrong, but medically if something was going wrong then my hormone levels wouldn't be that high. The fact my doctor was really reassured helped me too.
That was on the monday and I hadn't lost any blood Sunday or Monday, but Tuesday I spotted a teenie tiny bit, again sent me straight into the worst mood of my life, crying again I rang the EPU and explained but they said everything was normal and that there really isn't anything that they can do and that I would have to wait until my scan.
I've had no bleeding since then and my scan is in a week tomorrow. It seems to be dragging.
I've been off work since I found out I was pregnant, because I have m/c before and I'm a nervous wreck. I can't sleep. I have low iron levels which is making me exhausted. And anxiety is my worst enemy. Work is the last thing on my mind, I don't care enough.
Pregnancy symptoms this week; very sore boobs (which have swollen to twice their size and look awful), nausea more than sickness, but a couple of days I've actually been sick, and extreme tiredness. It's been ages since I put make-up on or actually brushed my hair properly. I can not wait to actually feel a million dollars.

That's it for week seven. 

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: 6 Weeks Pregnant

So it’s been just over a week since we found out that we’re expecting. I’m a nervous wreck.
Every cramp or every knock and I’m thinking something is wrong. I need to relax. We’re half way through the first trimester, yey! Every milestone! It’s crazy to think that I was pregnant for four weeks without knowing! But I’m glad that I didn’t find out at 2 weeks, I would have been crazy anxious.
I have been more crampy this week, and my stomach is now looking podgey, it’s not hard to touch just yet, but it’s definitely getting more round. I love it. Makes me smile every time I stroke my hand over my teenie tiny bump that’s forming.
I have felt really sick, but more nausea than sickness, I haven’t found anything like settles it really, and all I want to drink is milk, and eat absolutely ANYTHING! I am hungry ALL the time.
Oh my god, I can not tell you how sore my boobs are, it’s not fun!!! I can’t; walk, lay down, sit up, it’s a nightmare.
But on the exciting side, I have been given my first midwife appointment, on the 5^th of December, it can’t come quick enough, all the questions I have already, the appointment is going to last all day. I’ll be 9 weeks and a couple of days pregnant then. I was so excited I couldn’t stop smiling once I put the phone down to the midwife. My doctor has been my hero these last couple of weeks, everything I need she’s helped with, she has made me relax, and told me that she’s going to be there every step of the way! I really appreciate everything she’s doing for me, I need someone who is patient with me.
I’m finding it really difficult not to look and buy everything I see and like. But so far I have done really well not too.
We have decided that we’re going to get the gender scan too, one I will most likely want to see the baby again, and two for accuracy. I can’t wait to find out what my little bean is.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: 5 Weeks Pregnant!

We haven’t long since found out. I have known about my little bean growing inside me for five days now, and got my dates “confirmed” (sort of) by the doctor only two days ago. I was over the moon when she confirmed that I am pregnant, it’s what I have wanted for a long time. I’m feeling very crampy and sick today though. I haven’t been sleeping very well so I’m exhausted, but it’s what’s to come anyway, so I better get used to it. I am very excited and can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t have a bump, but my belly is quite swollen and looks bloated.
I’m finding it difficult not to get worried about every little thing, because I want everything to be perfect and most of all I want my baby to be healthy. At this point I have only told a select few people, just the people I want round me incase something was to go wrong, and the people I know that will be around when everything is going great.
We have nick-named our growing baby “Baby-B” and that is what we refer to the baby as.
When we found out five days ago, Luke went out and bought me some lilies (my favourite flowers), a big teddy bear (names Klaus) and two Dr. Seuss books (Green Eggs & Ham, The Cat in the Hat), he’s a sweetie. Luke is feeling really nervous about this whole situation. It’s a tricky situation, but with something amazing within it. He’s going to be a great father, I know he is.
I have been signed off work for a week because I am just so tired and stressed out. I also found out that the reason I am so tired is because of my iron levels are really low, so I’m anaemic (which runs in the family, sort of), so I’m on iron tablets to help me get better. I don’t like my job much, because of the pressures, and it’s not the right place for me right now. When I go back to work, I am going to tell them about the pregnancy and speak to our HR department to see if there is anything they can do to make things a little less stressful.
I have made myself worry so much this week, with the cramps that are going on, and I was having a coughing fit and the sharpest pain happened at the bottom of my stomach to the side. Instantly panicked, Luke had to calm me down and tell me that I have probably just pulled a muscle or something, spoke to my mum who said the same thing. I guess it’s normal to worry though right?!
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow (06/11/14), because I had some blood test done earlier this week so I’m getting the results. This is also when I will find out when my antenatal appointment is. My doctor is also putting in for an early scan, for both mine and her peace of mind. So that’s something to look forward to.
I have worked out that the 12 week mark is Christmas Eve, so we can tell the world about our baby at Christmas, and hopefully I’ll have a scan picture to show everyone. I’m finding it so difficult to keep the news to myself. I can imagine it’s the same for the people I have told too. All I want to do is talk about it. BABY BRAIN!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Dear Diary: We’re PREGNANT!!!!

(I wrote this on the 4th November, 4 days after we found out)
It’s happened already!!!
We have only been trying for a baby for just over a month now and it’s happened already. I can not express just how happy I am. Me and Luke have spoke about trying for a baby for what feels like forever, but never took that leap. Finally at the beginning of September I got him too agree to trying for a baby, it was something I had wanted since we had got married last October. From the moment we could start trying, I was doing everything by the book. I bought months worth of Folic Acid, and took it day by day religiously. I was eating the right food and was watching everything I did. Luke was also taking Vitamins. But I knew deep down that realistically it can take anywhere up to a year to conceive, but none the less I told myself I was feeling sick and something felt different, to be honest we had only been trying for 2 short weeks, so it was all in my head, that didn’t stop my from taking god knows how many pregnancy tests, all negative of course. I bought 30 “extra early” test off Amazon, and was testing every day until the end of September, never really getting too disheartened when they were all negative. I stopped taking the tests in October because I had a lot going on, I was away at the beginning of the month with work for a few days, so I was distracted, and then I went on my own holiday with Luke to Los Angeles, so it was “out” of my mind, sort of, I was very sick whilst I was on holiday and threw up, so the thought did cross my mind. We got home late Friday the 31^st (Halloween) and I just thought just take a test, the worst that happen is it’s negative. I did the test and was pottering around very JetLagged and just placed the test on the side not thinking of it for a few minutes, when I went back to it, I quickly glanced and did the fastest double take I have ever done in my life. Something was there!!! Adrenaline kicked straight in and my body took over, I could feel my heart pounding, my body shaking, my mind going dizzy, my eyes welling up, and that lump in my throat. There it was, the second red line. I instantly shouted for Luke, not really being able to calm down enough to tell him, finally getting it out and burst out crying. He hadn’t slept in a whole day but was wide awake at this point. He was laughing at me pacing up and down, crying but laughing at him too. I was so overwhelmed. The best feeling in the world. When I calmed down a bit I took another test, again it was positive, Luke finally feel asleep and I just laid wide awake next to him. Thinking of nothing but taking another test. An hour later (around 2am) I took another test, POSITIVE. Waited and waited all night I was awake waiting for Luke to wake up, finally about 7am he got up so I went and clearly (because I’m so rational) did another test, but this was a ClearBlue digital one, it actually said “PREGNANT” on it, I was bouncing on the moon at this point. It’s five days on since I found out and it’s all I have thought about. In total I have taken about 10 tests (because well that’s not crazy) the doctor laughed at me when I told her. But going to the doctors to confirm it has made it seem a little bit more real. She has told me to date my pregnancy from the 1^st of October, which will make me 5 weeks pregnant tomorrow, still very early days, but I have a great feeling about this. Everything is going to be okay.
Our lives changed forever on the 31^st of October when we took that first test.

Here’s to the next 8 months! And the rest of our lives.

We already love our Baby-B ‘more than the moon’ 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin