Dear Diary: Week 23 & 24

*Really late with this post*

These last few week have been busy but slow. I had a week off work about 2 weeks ago which was heaven, I didn't want to go back. I would say I will get a lot of time off when the baby is here, but we all know looking after babies can be a full time job. But it's a job I'm actually looking forward to having. 

Nothing much had changed pregnancy wise. Except I am enjoying being pregnant a lot more. My nerves are still there, when I eat something a bit to salty or I eat a fair bit of chocolate during the day, I panic I'm going to hurt the baby some how. I know that it's not as simple as that and I do drink lots of water and eat some fruit and veg each day. I find it difficult but I try. 

I have started to feel her move a lot more now which is always reassuring, and I've even started to see movements, tiny little movements on top of the skin. Mainly when I am in the bath (I have even got it on video). It makes me so happy feeling her move, knowing she is in there, happy, healthy, comfy. 

As each day passes I get that little bit more nervous about being a mum, about having everything she needs, being everything she needs. 

These last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. I know I can pin it down to hormones and get away with it, but hearing a slow soppy song on my iPod, and I'm in floods. But every time I cry I feel that sense of relief, like a good cry can really sort you out. 

Changes to my body over these last two weeks have really started to stand out. My boobs are HORRIBLE, I mean it, they are horrid, people always think that when you're pregnant and your boobs go big that it's amazing. Well 1) I have never liked big boobs, my clothes and dress sense doesn't suit them. 2) They are so uncomfortable. 3) They are pregnancy boobs, and they look like it too. 

My belly button looks very strange. I think it may pop out soon.

My legs and bum also don't look great either. I know I have put weight on and I know it's down to me. Sometimes it upsets me, sometimes it just makes me realise that I will work hard to get into shape. 

My cravings are the same, milk in the morning, fizzy pop in the afternoon. And I find that I am really thirsty a lot at night time too. I could go all morning without a drink (except milk) if I didn't force myself to have water. But at night time, right before bed I have to drink a bottle of water, I don't know why this is?

I've also been thinking a lot about whether or not I'm going to breastfeed. I always said I wanted to, because of all the benefits, for both me and the baby. But the closer I get and the more thinking I do about it, I'm starting to wonder whether it's right for me or not? If anyone has any advise please let me know?
I'm more worried about the restrictions that come with breast feeding. Feeling like I can't go any where, because I'm not the kind of person that would feel comfortable breast feeding in public. That and what if I need my mum or sister to look after her for a few hours, I know I can express milk, but won't I still fill up ready for her normal feed times, and then what do I do? 

Please can someone shed some light on this for me?

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Dear Diary: 15 & 16 Weeks

Late late late post. But these last two weeks have sort of melted into one.

Work has been really busy and really stressful. I get up, I go to work, I come home, I go to bed. That has been my life for the last two weeks. It's so tiring but I've got to keep going.

Along with working crazy hours and days, we have been searching the high heavens for our own place, it's got to be the right area, the right price with the right transportation links. It's not easy, hopefully soon we will find the right place for us all soon. I want to make this move stick, I'm fed up of moving every year!

Week 15 was pretty quiet for baby, other than me trying to feel baby move there isn't much to say.
Week 16 however!!! We had our private gender scan, which was the most amazing experience of my life. Finding out that we are having a baby girl. Every day since my scan I have stared at her face, smiling and knowing she's perfect. She has made everything fall into perspective for us. We now know what we want for her, what we need for her. I want her to be happy, need for nothing and be loved by absolutely every one that matters!

I can't wait to feel her move. I'm starting to feel little poppings and fluttered, but they are on and off, so I can't be 100% sure what I am feeling is actually the baby. 

Now we just need to pick her name. 

I'm still struggling for names, I love one name but then I start doubting it. I think we're closer, as we have started to narrow it down to our favourite. 

These last two weeks have been a tad emotional, maybe from being over tired, maybe from hormones, but I can literally cry over everything. I am pretty good at not crying in front of people unless something stresses me out to much. Crying at work, in front of my Team Leader was probably the most embarrassing time I have cried so far, I'm not sure he knew what to do.

Letting everything get to me this week has been difficult, I feel like I am constantly apologising to Luke for being horrible to him, for no reason. But in the next breath I want cuddles, kisses and his attention. Luke's always been good at managing my mood swings. He's so patient, he needs a medal I think.  

My bump is getting big now, and everything I have to wear is getting very uncomfortable. I even bought bigger stuff, but that's not the right way to go, they fit around the bump but every where else they look ridiculous. It makes me both sad and happy to see my clothes not fitting. I'm sad because it means I'm getting bigger, but I'm happy because I know my baby girl is growing stronger, and bigger every day. 

Every one can tell I am pregnant, there is no second guessing anymore, it's just all bump.

Cravings this week haven't changed, it's milk milk milk, in the morning, that's all I can think about when I wake up. 

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Dear Diary... IT'S A...

GIRL!!!

I can not express how over the moon I am about finding out the gender of our baby. But mostly I felt relief knowing that everything was okay. 

Strangely enough I slept really well last night, I thought I would be awake wondering if the baby was okay. But I slept right through, I have been really tired lately. I woke up super early though but refrained from getting ready and setting off way to early. It was hard. 

All the way there, I was drinking lots of water making sure my bladder was full and ready, by the time I got there I was uncomfortable and really needed to go, but I stopped myself.

I took Luke (of course), my mum, her husband, my sister and my friend. All piling into a small room ready to see whether my baby was a boy or a girl. 

The sonographer was a really friendly woman, and she explained everything to us. But as soon as she put the scanner onto my stomach she said she thinks she knows what it is, but my bladder was too full and that I would have to empty it. I was relieved but confused. Apparently you only need a full bladder before 12 weeks, after it's completely empty. 

When I came back the scanner was literally on my stomach for about 30 seconds and she confirmed that it was what she thought... It's a girl! 

I started getting tearful, and started shaking, and the woman asked if I was okay, but I didn't want to cry in front of everyone, so I kept it to myself. I know if it was just me and Luke I would of been blubbering so much. I managed to keep my cool. 

As soon as the woman turned the screen onto 4D, it was so overwhelming. There she was, my baby girl, wriggling around, arms and legs all tucked in. She was really cuddling and snuggling up to me. I was in love again! 

Her little arms and legs so skinny. She was hiding from us a little bit, so the woman starting "gently" poking my stomach to get her to lower her arms. Which she did for us. 

At the point whilst I was watching my daughter (OMG I can say daughter) move, Zoe asked the woman how she knew that it was a girl. She explained by saying that they have to check using 2D and for a boy they can see a Snail like shape at the bottom, but for a girl they see three lines, she was pretty confident and told us how many scans she does a week so she knew what she was looking for. 

I have been saying since I found out I was pregnant, that I had a feeling it was a girl. I guess it's just instinct, some people just know don't they.

I was crazy about my little girl within seconds, and then we saw her face...

"Look at her little button nose" the lady kept saying to me. I have a little button nose, I am just over the moon with her. She's beautiful, and I always said that 4D scans looked strange, but it's different I suppose, that's my little girl there and she's perfect!

Everything was going great and seeing her move around and seeing her face was amazing. But the best was to come... 

Anyone that knows me, you don't even need to know me well, but you will know that I suck my thumb. Always have, always will. And there was my baby girl, sucking her thumb. That was it, both me and Luke knew she was ours, we created her. She was sucking her thumb, just like me... her mum. I couldn't believe it. I know so many babies do this, and it may not be special to anyone, but I've sucked my thumb my entire life, and I know what it is for me, it's my comfort, and to see my baby doing the same thing, and snuggling up to me was just what I needed to see. 

I would highly recommend Hello Baby, they were so nice and made me feel like I wasn't one of 200 women a week going for the same thing. The sonographer kept telling me my baby was a cutie, and made me feel really relaxed. And the bed was ridiculously comfy. I need one of those.

It's a bit far away, but definitely worth the drive. Seeing my baby like this was the best experience I have ever had to date. And was a priceless moment. Something I was carry with me forever, something I will share with my daughter one day, a precious memory.

How did you find out the gender of your baby?

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Dear Diary: Introducing Elijah...

Meet Elijah!

He's my baby, I can't express how much I love this puppy. He's nearly two now, wow not a baby anymore. We have had him since he was 8 weeks old, maybe a little to young to leave his mummy, but I soon became his new mummy. I was smitten from the first moment I laid eyes on him. He's perfect. He's got the biggest personality. He's a cross between a Pug and a Beagle, which means he doesn't have health problems like a Pug and he doesn't destroy my house like a Beagle. 

Be aware my blog will have plenty of posts about him.

Please have a nosey at his own instagram: Elijah The Puggle