Dear Diary: Week 23 & 24

*Really late with this post*

These last few week have been busy but slow. I had a week off work about 2 weeks ago which was heaven, I didn't want to go back. I would say I will get a lot of time off when the baby is here, but we all know looking after babies can be a full time job. But it's a job I'm actually looking forward to having. 

Nothing much had changed pregnancy wise. Except I am enjoying being pregnant a lot more. My nerves are still there, when I eat something a bit to salty or I eat a fair bit of chocolate during the day, I panic I'm going to hurt the baby some how. I know that it's not as simple as that and I do drink lots of water and eat some fruit and veg each day. I find it difficult but I try. 

I have started to feel her move a lot more now which is always reassuring, and I've even started to see movements, tiny little movements on top of the skin. Mainly when I am in the bath (I have even got it on video). It makes me so happy feeling her move, knowing she is in there, happy, healthy, comfy. 

As each day passes I get that little bit more nervous about being a mum, about having everything she needs, being everything she needs. 

These last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. I know I can pin it down to hormones and get away with it, but hearing a slow soppy song on my iPod, and I'm in floods. But every time I cry I feel that sense of relief, like a good cry can really sort you out. 

Changes to my body over these last two weeks have really started to stand out. My boobs are HORRIBLE, I mean it, they are horrid, people always think that when you're pregnant and your boobs go big that it's amazing. Well 1) I have never liked big boobs, my clothes and dress sense doesn't suit them. 2) They are so uncomfortable. 3) They are pregnancy boobs, and they look like it too. 

My belly button looks very strange. I think it may pop out soon.

My legs and bum also don't look great either. I know I have put weight on and I know it's down to me. Sometimes it upsets me, sometimes it just makes me realise that I will work hard to get into shape. 

My cravings are the same, milk in the morning, fizzy pop in the afternoon. And I find that I am really thirsty a lot at night time too. I could go all morning without a drink (except milk) if I didn't force myself to have water. But at night time, right before bed I have to drink a bottle of water, I don't know why this is?

I've also been thinking a lot about whether or not I'm going to breastfeed. I always said I wanted to, because of all the benefits, for both me and the baby. But the closer I get and the more thinking I do about it, I'm starting to wonder whether it's right for me or not? If anyone has any advise please let me know?
I'm more worried about the restrictions that come with breast feeding. Feeling like I can't go any where, because I'm not the kind of person that would feel comfortable breast feeding in public. That and what if I need my mum or sister to look after her for a few hours, I know I can express milk, but won't I still fill up ready for her normal feed times, and then what do I do? 

Please can someone shed some light on this for me?

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Dear Diary: 11 Things About (my) Pregnancy

Every pregnancy is different, and every person is different. These are 11 things I have realised since finding out I was pregnant. 

1. Your Personality Traits Heighten

I have always been a worrier, a paranoid hypochondriac. Before I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to enjoy pregnancy, having a nice round bump, feeling the baby kick & having that wonderful pregnancy glow... Instead I have gone into worrier overdrive, every little thing makes me jump on the phone to my doctor. Which brings me onto number 2...

2. Google is Both a Blessing and a Curse

Every one of my friends will tell how I literally googled everything, from headaches & tummy aches to more serious problems, and I would convince myself that I was dying, or close to dying, but all it would take it that one positive answer and I would relax (or just go to the doctors). It's the same in pregnancy, you google like little pain and you're convinced something is wrong. On the flip side I have received some very reassuring advice on "netmums" so it's not all dramatic. 

3. Putting on Weight is GOING to Happen

Food has always been my worst enemy, I've struggled to be skinny, and I have forced myself to go hungry. But once you're pregnant everything changes, your insecurities are still there but you realise that if you want a nice healthy baby you have to do what it takes. I'm hungry all the time, and I have put on weight, but I'll eat for my baby, I will make sure I am healthy for her. If I choose not to lose it after the baby is born then that's down to me. I know I will have to work hard, but I know I will do it the right way this time. And with this weight gain, you get used to people noticing.

4. Morning Sickness doesn't Exist

You think that it's a big sign that you're pregnant when you start throwing up your guts in the morning. Nope this is a lie! My sickness happened to be between 5pm and 6pm and I would feel nausea all day long. But it really does get better in the second trimester. 

5. It is Not Easy

Some women are super women, some women are not. I haven't had an easy pregnancy. Some days are better than others, some days I just want to wallow. Any one that makes you feel like you're being over dramatic or like there is actually nothing wrong needs a big fat punch in their face! 

6. People Change

Everyone around you either becomes all about the baby, or they run for the hills. Whether that be family or friends. And you suddenly attract anyone who is pregnant or has a baby, it's like a club. At the moment it seems that everyone is pregnant or has just had a baby, it's definitely baby season. I have noticed that the family who I thought would be there, haven't been, and vice versa. It is true that a baby can mend broken relationships. 

7. You Love your Partner 100x More

People have said to me plenty of times in the past that I will stop loving my husband as much when I fall pregnant. But it's just not true. Luke has given me something so special and so intimate, how could I not love him more? We have created life together, and it's one more thing that we will go through together, this will be for the rest of our lives. What greater bond is there than to make someone so perfect and special with the person that you love. He's been there for everything, every time I worry, he worries. Every time I feel the baby move, he's excited. He's the father of my child. I love him 100x times more. 

8. People Will Touch Your Bump

Even random strangers will congratulate you on being pregnant, they will ask you if it's okay to touch your bump. Your friends will just feel your bump without asking. It doesn't matter to me who you are, you're welcome to feel my bump, it makes me smile, it makes me feel great about myself. It's best when the person touching your bump feels the baby move for the first time, their faces lights up like yours does every time the baby moves. 

9. Midwives are NOT Sympathetic 

Midwives clearly see pregnant women every hour of every day. But I have realised that they don't really sympathise with you. When you're worried or have concerns they kind of make you feel like you're stupid and you shouldn't even be pregnant. Most midwives I have seen during my pregnancy have has the "I can not be bothered being here" attitude, like you're getting in their way. The first midwife I saw at my first midwife appointment, was absolutely lovely, she really reassured me that she thought every thing is going to be okay. I wish they could all be like her...

10. My Doctor is My Life Saver

Because I don't feel comfortable around the midwives, I feel like I can't ask them anything personal. I always go to my doctor. From the moment I found out I was pregnant she has been there for every thing. If I ring up to make an appointment and the receptionist says there is none, my doctor rings me back and squeezes me in. If I've been at the hospital she will ring me to make sure I am okay, and she's just been my rock. I honestly don't know where I would be without her. 

11. You Love Your Baby Before She is Here

I know that to every one else it's just a bump, sometimes I think to myself how can there be a little human in there. But there is. She's my baby, and I love her more than life it self. And I will do ANY thing to keep her safe. Finding out I was pregnant was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Finding out I am having a girl was so precious. 

How has your pregnancy been?

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Dear Diary: Week 19 & 20

I can finally write this post. After moving we haven't had internet, and although I could write this on my phone through the app, it's not the same and I wanted to wait until we had wifi.

Week 19 and 20 have been very busy.
First with the house move, which went amazingly well, this was in week 19. But my pregnancy that week was very difficult, I started to feel really poorly whilst I was at work. It kind of felt like I was hungover, I was really tired, feeling weak and queasy and my head was pounding. I had to go home, when I got home I just slept the whole afternoon. It was the same the day after, I needed to sleep a lot. So on Monday I went to the doctors and had my bloods taken, whilst I was there she checked my blood pressure and my sugar levels, which both were on the low side. She told me to rest and take it easy. I have been really good for not taking paracetamol for anything during my pregnancy but I had to take paracetamol for my head aches. A couple days went by, and I just put my feet up, and my blood results came back and my iron levels were very very low, which is odd because I have been on iron tablets since I found out I was pregnant. So I've had to double up doses, but this has made me feel a bit groggy.
By the weekend I started to feel a little better, and that's when the house move started. Luckily for me it was easy, because I couldn't actually help with the lifting and moving, so I was appointed 'brew maker' for the day, was fine with me.
It's been a bit emotional moving back into our own place. The day after my mum came down to help build furniture, and the first thing she built was the baby's cot. I love it, and I am now always walking in her room, we just need to get her wardrobe and drawers and then I can really start planning.

Week 20 had it's own excitement... One, we named our child. Two, we got to see our little girl again.

Firstly the name: This has been something that me and Luke have spoke about for what feels like since we met when we was twelve, infact I remember having a silly conversation when we was younger saying that we would one day have 12 kids and they all had funny names. But on a serious note, since we started talking about having a baby we started talking baby names. We got our boys name sorted but we could never ever agree on a girls name. So when we found out we are having a girl we had to really think about it, we just would not agree for ages.
Luke just mentioned a name one day that he liked and I just out it down on the list not really getting excited about it, then we decided to name her one thing, but I could tell we both had just settled on it because it was getting tough. Then Luke mentioned this name again, and it just sort of felt right, it was lovely all of a sudden and now I love it.
Her name is...

Indie Autumn Barnett

Her middle name has meaning behind it also. Everything happens in Autumn for us, Luke proposed to me in Autumn, we got married in Autumn, and I found out I was having our baby in Autumn (not that she'll know that last bit until she's old enough). 

I really love her name, and everyone that knows seems to like it, I know you shouldn't care about what people think, but I do want people to like it and understand it. I also wanted a name that couldn't be shortened down, I don't like nick-names. 

The scan: 

My scan was on a Friday and waiting the whole week was torture. I could feel her moving around at nights so I was feeling confident that she was okay, but there was always doubt in my mind. I was working that morning, and could not wait to finish and get to that hospital. I didn't want to make the same mistake and go with a very very full bladder this time. So I didn't drink as much and I felt okay, I knew that this scan would take longer because it was all health checks. The woman was lovely and as soon as she put the scanner onto my stomach she said straight away that she could see her heart beat and the baby. I could then enjoy seeing my beautiful little girl on the screen. I also asked if she could double check the gender, just to be on the safe side. She did all the health checks and we got to see her fingers and her toes, it was amazing seeing her feet so clear and her hands. She kept moving her arms and legs everywhere. I got to see her looking towards us, it was just amazing. But she was also being a little wriggler and wouldn't let the woman get what she needed straight away so I had to move around to get the baby to move in the right position. She got everything she needed and said all the health checks were perfectly fine and everything looks normal, THANK GOD! 

She also double checked the scan and she said "yep definitely a girl" another THANK GOD! She already had everything pink! 

My symptoms are slowing down now, I don't get much sickness. But everything is growing, and when I say everything I mean everything. There is no denying I am pregnant now. People are asking me straight away, without doubting themselves. I like having a bump though, everyone wants to touch it. Which again I like, any moment I get to talk about being pregnant, or having a baby, I will talk about it. 

I still crave milk a lot in the morning and frizzy pop in the night. 

Her movements are amazing now, she kicks quite hard sometimes, not so it's uncomfortable, but it's noticeable. Luke felt his first proper kick 3 nights ago, he was so happy, seeing his face light up is jus amazing, he can now feel apart of it. We started talking to the bump a bit, but we both still feel kind of silly doing so.  

She kicks mainly at 3/4 in the morning, which wakes me up. It's bittersweet, because I'm awake at 4 in the morning which tires me out for the rest of the day, but I get to feel my baby move. 

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Dear Diary: 15 & 16 Weeks

Late late late post. But these last two weeks have sort of melted into one.

Work has been really busy and really stressful. I get up, I go to work, I come home, I go to bed. That has been my life for the last two weeks. It's so tiring but I've got to keep going.

Along with working crazy hours and days, we have been searching the high heavens for our own place, it's got to be the right area, the right price with the right transportation links. It's not easy, hopefully soon we will find the right place for us all soon. I want to make this move stick, I'm fed up of moving every year!

Week 15 was pretty quiet for baby, other than me trying to feel baby move there isn't much to say.
Week 16 however!!! We had our private gender scan, which was the most amazing experience of my life. Finding out that we are having a baby girl. Every day since my scan I have stared at her face, smiling and knowing she's perfect. She has made everything fall into perspective for us. We now know what we want for her, what we need for her. I want her to be happy, need for nothing and be loved by absolutely every one that matters!

I can't wait to feel her move. I'm starting to feel little poppings and fluttered, but they are on and off, so I can't be 100% sure what I am feeling is actually the baby. 

Now we just need to pick her name. 

I'm still struggling for names, I love one name but then I start doubting it. I think we're closer, as we have started to narrow it down to our favourite. 

These last two weeks have been a tad emotional, maybe from being over tired, maybe from hormones, but I can literally cry over everything. I am pretty good at not crying in front of people unless something stresses me out to much. Crying at work, in front of my Team Leader was probably the most embarrassing time I have cried so far, I'm not sure he knew what to do.

Letting everything get to me this week has been difficult, I feel like I am constantly apologising to Luke for being horrible to him, for no reason. But in the next breath I want cuddles, kisses and his attention. Luke's always been good at managing my mood swings. He's so patient, he needs a medal I think.  

My bump is getting big now, and everything I have to wear is getting very uncomfortable. I even bought bigger stuff, but that's not the right way to go, they fit around the bump but every where else they look ridiculous. It makes me both sad and happy to see my clothes not fitting. I'm sad because it means I'm getting bigger, but I'm happy because I know my baby girl is growing stronger, and bigger every day. 

Every one can tell I am pregnant, there is no second guessing anymore, it's just all bump.

Cravings this week haven't changed, it's milk milk milk, in the morning, that's all I can think about when I wake up. 

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Dear Diary... IT'S A...

GIRL!!!

I can not express how over the moon I am about finding out the gender of our baby. But mostly I felt relief knowing that everything was okay. 

Strangely enough I slept really well last night, I thought I would be awake wondering if the baby was okay. But I slept right through, I have been really tired lately. I woke up super early though but refrained from getting ready and setting off way to early. It was hard. 

All the way there, I was drinking lots of water making sure my bladder was full and ready, by the time I got there I was uncomfortable and really needed to go, but I stopped myself.

I took Luke (of course), my mum, her husband, my sister and my friend. All piling into a small room ready to see whether my baby was a boy or a girl. 

The sonographer was a really friendly woman, and she explained everything to us. But as soon as she put the scanner onto my stomach she said she thinks she knows what it is, but my bladder was too full and that I would have to empty it. I was relieved but confused. Apparently you only need a full bladder before 12 weeks, after it's completely empty. 

When I came back the scanner was literally on my stomach for about 30 seconds and she confirmed that it was what she thought... It's a girl! 

I started getting tearful, and started shaking, and the woman asked if I was okay, but I didn't want to cry in front of everyone, so I kept it to myself. I know if it was just me and Luke I would of been blubbering so much. I managed to keep my cool. 

As soon as the woman turned the screen onto 4D, it was so overwhelming. There she was, my baby girl, wriggling around, arms and legs all tucked in. She was really cuddling and snuggling up to me. I was in love again! 

Her little arms and legs so skinny. She was hiding from us a little bit, so the woman starting "gently" poking my stomach to get her to lower her arms. Which she did for us. 

At the point whilst I was watching my daughter (OMG I can say daughter) move, Zoe asked the woman how she knew that it was a girl. She explained by saying that they have to check using 2D and for a boy they can see a Snail like shape at the bottom, but for a girl they see three lines, she was pretty confident and told us how many scans she does a week so she knew what she was looking for. 

I have been saying since I found out I was pregnant, that I had a feeling it was a girl. I guess it's just instinct, some people just know don't they.

I was crazy about my little girl within seconds, and then we saw her face...

"Look at her little button nose" the lady kept saying to me. I have a little button nose, I am just over the moon with her. She's beautiful, and I always said that 4D scans looked strange, but it's different I suppose, that's my little girl there and she's perfect!

Everything was going great and seeing her move around and seeing her face was amazing. But the best was to come... 

Anyone that knows me, you don't even need to know me well, but you will know that I suck my thumb. Always have, always will. And there was my baby girl, sucking her thumb. That was it, both me and Luke knew she was ours, we created her. She was sucking her thumb, just like me... her mum. I couldn't believe it. I know so many babies do this, and it may not be special to anyone, but I've sucked my thumb my entire life, and I know what it is for me, it's my comfort, and to see my baby doing the same thing, and snuggling up to me was just what I needed to see. 

I would highly recommend Hello Baby, they were so nice and made me feel like I wasn't one of 200 women a week going for the same thing. The sonographer kept telling me my baby was a cutie, and made me feel really relaxed. And the bed was ridiculously comfy. I need one of those.

It's a bit far away, but definitely worth the drive. Seeing my baby like this was the best experience I have ever had to date. And was a priceless moment. Something I was carry with me forever, something I will share with my daughter one day, a precious memory.

How did you find out the gender of your baby?

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Dear Diary: Coming Soon...

Boy or Girl?

We will find out tomorrow! Keep Posted! 

I'll be posting my week 15 & 16 together, not much happened in 15. 

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Dear Diary: Boy or Girl? And what will I call them?

The big question: Boy or Girl?!?!

I bet it's the first thing that most newly pregnant women and their partners think about. OMG what am I having?! A boy? Or a girl?A lot of people say that they aren't bothered just as long as the baby is healthy, but they only say this when they are pregnant. And it's true, I'm not bothered what my baby is as long as my baby is healthy and happy. But before I was pregnant I thought I wanted a boy, I could just imagine my little boy to look just like Luke, dark hair, olive skin, dark eyes. But the more and more I think about it, I can now imagine a little girl, pale skin, bright green eyes and chocolate brown hair. Both are perfect in my mind. A lot of people ask the question “would you find out what you're having before they're born?” my answer is always “HELL YES” I am way to impatient not to. Plus I want that nice surprise when I can enjoy it. If I find out at birth is won't be a case of excitement over what sex the baby is, it'll be a case of “I don't care, as long as they are healthy?!”

I always said that I didn't want to pay for the gender scan, because I thought it was pointless, a few weeks later you have the 21 week scan and you can find out then. But after speaking to the midwife after my last scan, she told me that yes they can tell you the gender if it's visible to them, the scan really isn't for telling you the gender, it's more about the health checks.
So I booked my private gender scan with a company called Hello Baby, specialise in bonding scans. I originally booked mine for when I was exactly 17 weeks pregnant, but yesterday they moved my appointment forward so I will be 16+4 when I see my baby next.
I can't tell you how nervous/excited I am. I will so much more relaxed when I can see the baby move again.

When it comes to names it's the biggest conversation on mine and Luke's topic of discussion. Naming a person is the biggest thing I have had the thing about, it's so permanent. Not only have they got to suit it now, but what about when they are older? And what about other peoples opinion? It all matters right, or am I over thinking this, should I just go with what I want and not care about other people, easier said that done because I don't really know what I want. Boys names are easier I feel.

I really like traditional names for boys but for girls it's not so easy finding something I like, there reason isn't "traditional" names for girls. There's current names or older names. My friend sent me a list of 100 girls names to pick from, I chose 4 that could be a possibility.

We have settled on Joseph for a boy, but I do not want it to get shortened to Joe or Joey. This is going to be a hard task but everyone close to me knows how I feel. I love the name Joseph not Joe.

We are really undecided on a girls name. Do we want something a bit more unique, or something cute or something "normal" ?

Boys Names: 
Joseph
Jonah
Arthur

Girls Names:
Madison
Annie
Ivy
Autumn
Willow      

How did you decide on a name?

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Dear Diary: Hello Baby/Gender Scan

Booking my private gender scan was beyond nessesary for me. I am the most impatient person in the world. And I also think that people who wait until baby is born to find out, they're going to be too tired and too bothered about the baby being healthy than what the sex actually is. So I'm looking forward to being in a calm state of mind when I find out

Of course all I want is a beautiful healthy baby which I will get no matter what the sex of my child is. But when I comes down to what sex I would like... 

Before me and Luke even started trying for a baby I always said I'll probably have a boy, I always thought that Luke had stronger features than me and that it would carry over onto a little boy who looks just like his daddy. We started trying and I carried them thought over. But now that I'm expecting, I have this feeling that I can't explain, but I think it may be a girl. More or less everyone that I have spoken to says them same. Luke's nan swears it's a girl, she's so adoment that her and Luke but a £10 bet on it. Just for a bit of a laugh. 

My best friends Abbie (who is also my sister) and Zoe have bet too. Abbie thinks boy. Zoe thinks girl. Their bet is for whoever wins gets first babysitting duty. So cute. 

My friend actually reccomended Hello Baby for my gender scan, it's where she went for hers and they treat her so nice. When she went for the scan the baby was led in a position they couldn't see what the baby was, so they rescheduled her for the week after. You get the prints of the baby and a 15 minute DVD, and it's only £60 (although you may have to pay extra for the DVD, I can't remember). Which I think is a great price and it's 4D too. I'm beyond excited. 

I booked my appointment for the 29th January when I will be 17 weeks pregnant. 

www.hellobaby4dscan.co.uk

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