I sit here writing this on my phone, because it's easier when your baby doesn't let you put her down for naps. Instead she's flat out in my arms as she always is for nap times during the day.
My baby is now 4 months old. And I've just found my barings.
Everyone sugar coats the truth on social media, myself included. Maybe the truth is a bit harsh because my Instagram is full of happy amazing photos of my baby. And none of them are a lie. But what my Instagram doesn't show is the numberous times I have tried to help my baby control self soothe, or the times that for no apparent reason my baby just cries, screams even until her face is so red and wet from all the tears, and how I panic because I don't know how to soothe her. I know she's fed, clean and warm. I cuddle her, I couldn't possibly cuddle her anymore but she's just over worked now. We get there though every time. She comes out of it, either in sleep or just by walking around the house. We get there.
It was harder when she was a newborn for me and my energy levels. Every one kept telling me sleep when Indie did, that's easier said than done. I was exhausted, don't get me wrong. But I couldn't sleep. I had a house to look after, a husband to entertain and my own body to clean and feed. And by the time all that was done it was back to Indie's every need.
It's easier now because Indie has slept through the night since she was just over 2 months old. Maybe not as long as that. I can't be sure. But it's amazing. She's amazing. I put a lot of it down to routine. She knows when it's bed time because it's dark and I've stopped playing with her, instead it's all about being comfy, and being cuddled and warm. Without this routine I think I would still be struggling. Because of this routine I now spend my day times awake and alert. We enjoy playtime because I have the energy to play with her. I manage to clean my house a little easier although I'm starting to realise that my house isn't as important as spending the time with Indie on her playmat.
I have found that I do feel guilty when Indie is sleeping on my for her nap time, I feel like I should try putting her down so I can do something around the house. Truth is I like that she needs to sleep on me during the day. She won't be so little for long, and I'll miss these times when I no longer have them anymore. She sleeps so well on her own at night, why should I complain that she doesn't during the day. I get a solid night sleep because of her. I will take anything during the day.
I love everything about being a mum. I love the smiles Indie has for me in the morning and I love how she stares at me when I'm talking to someone. I love when she pulls on my nose when I'm trying to get her to sleep and she finds it funny. I love that when my husband comes home from work and she hears his voice that she looks for him. I love getting her dressed and feeding her. Not once have I got impatient or upset with Indie. Which if I am honest I am surprised by. I thought that I might get stressed and upset when I didn't know what I was doing. But I just do it. It's true what they say that your maternal instinct just takes over.
People also said that my love for my husband would never be the same, that's not true. I don't love him less. I love him more. People said that you will love your baby more than your husband, who's making my choose? I don't think you could say that at all. I love my baby unconditionally but I love my husband unconditionally too. No one is making me choose between them.
All in all having a baby is not easy, it's not all smiles and giggles and fun times. But it's all amazing.
Posts on Indie to follow...
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