Dear Diary: Week 33 & 34

Wow, a lot has happened in this last couple of weeks...

Week 33...
I finished work this week, which in all honesty felt absolutely amazing! Pressing that log out button on my phone was just pure heaven.
At the same time over the last few months I have gotten really attached to the girls on my team, and I'm quite sad that I won't see them as much.
My team gave me the best send off, I came into work on my last day, to my desk full of balloons and banners.

All thanks to my Team Leader! What a legend.

All my team brought in food and presents for Indie, it was just a really nice special day. I thought I would get more emotional than I did but I kept myself together quite well. It was only on the car ride home, on my own, that I got a bit tearful. Again not about leaving work more about the people. Everyone from the department had signed a card for me, I love reading through it. Thanks guys!

Week 34...

My first week off work started off not so good. I was worried about Indie's movements, she had moved just not as much, so I rang the Triage and they told me to go in straight away. So at half 10 at night me and Luke went into hospital, the midwife there took my measurements and then told me that I would have to be scanned, I was put on the monitor for 45 minutes, were I heard Indie's heart beating nice and strong. A doctor then came and told me that the reason they want to scan me is because of growth issues again and that if I was further along they would be looking at inducing me, but at nearly 34 weeks, they want to do more test. 

So the next morning I head to the hospital, on my own, to be put on the monitor again for half an hour. But I'm not complaining, because listening to Indie's heart beating is the best noise I could ever listen too...

I could listen to this all day everyday. Then I went down for my scan, and waited for the results, I was told by the midwife that I need re-scanning next week just to double check that she's growing or not growing, and then I would have to speak to a senior doctor to create a plan.

Which is really scary because I don't know what to expect. Some part of me wants her to come now, but that's just me being impatient. I just want her to be safe! 

I have now packed Indie's hospital bag, so at least if she does come early I know she is prepared. 

We also went shopping for my hospital bag stuff today, so as soon as that is packed I am ready. 

It's crazy that if everything is okay with the scans then I still have 6 weeks to go. Seems like forever away. But in a couple of days I will be able to officially say "I'm having my baby next month" which makes it feel a little bit closer. 

I decided to have my younger brother and sister over for a couple of days, one it gave them something to do during the school holidays, two it gave me something to do and three it helped take my mind off the hospital and whats going to happen. 

It was lovely having them over, I feel like I barely get to see them with me living so far away. 

The first day they were here, we took Elijah out for a walk and spent the afternoon making daisy and buttercup chains.

And the second day we decided to bake (sort of). We made white and milk chocolate rice crispy cakes, and I bought on of those ready made kits. It's was really fun and gave us all something to do. 

It tired me out though, I dropped them off back at my mums, came home and had a 3 hour nap. 

These last two weeks have been very tiring, I just want to sleep all the time. Nap time is my favourite time. 

My cravings are the same, milk in the morning and fizzy pop in the evening. And my appetite is forever there, there is no stopping the amount of food I want to eat. 

My legs are getting really bad for cramps, that's why I've been trying to get out a lot with Elijah, for some leg exercise, which really does help. I'm going to be looking into Aqua Natal as well now that I'm off work. 

We have bought everything Indie needs now, so it's all just a waiting game. 

Here's my tiger stripes this week...

Dear Diary: Week 31 & 32

Well this is going to be a short one really.

As far as my pregnancy goes, everything has been plain sailing over the last two weeks. Not much as changed, other than my bump growing and growing and growing.
I'm starting to waddle when I walk, which many people are enjoying laughing at me for.

I've always been a bit of a picky eater, but since getting pregnant I have really gained an appetite. It the strangest of ways. I used to hate red meat, I would eat it if I had too, but my body is clearly craving it. There has been a few times at a restaurant were I have ordered a steak or a beef burger, but it's just not me. It's strange.
I was trying to explain what a craving during pregnancy feels like to a friend the other day. I honestly feel like it's completely different from just fancying a bar or chocolate or a beer or something. For me it's like I need to have what I'm craving, and I can't shift that feeling until I have it.
For instance I crave milk in the morning, and I have to have it... The other morning there wasn't any, and I could of cried, I didn't want to leave the house all day but I had to, my car was flashing because I needed petrol, but it was enough to get me to the local Asda and back for milk, I felt like I couldn't survive without it.

I finish work next week, I can't tell you how much I need to finish. The stress of the job is just getting to much, the atmosphere is not very nice, and because of my hormones I just feel really really down when I am there. That and the fact I am sitting at a desk all day on a computer chair is just so painful, I literally wince when I get up off my chair.
I'm looking forward to my nesting period. I have decided that I will clean one room at time, that way I know I am doing a thorough job, starting from the upstairs. People already joke that I have OCD, but I'm actually really looking forward to it.

I've been slowly getting Indie's nursery together, I love just walking in there and staring at her stuff, going through her clothes all the time, or re folding blankets and towels. I'm not 100% sure what I want for her bedding, or her theme, but I think it's coming on nicely.

Putting them shelves up was a task and a half. Because they are so solid, we had to put them up with a drill, and neither me or Luke are DIY people. It took 4 attempts, but we did it. There is 6 different holes under them shelves. Glad no one can see them. All of them drawers are full to the brim, and her cot is full of clothes waiting to go into her wardrobe. I love white furniture, and the pine on the drawers and shelves really work for a nursery. I just love how everything is coming together. Her cot was a gift off my mum and the shelves off a friend, I love the amount of help that we're getting. We're so grateful.

We have got most of Indie's things now, there are a few bits and bobs we need to get. We got her pram the other day, which was off Luke's dad and Step-mum. We went with the iCandy Peach Jogger in Glazier. I love it. It's currently in my hallway, which gives me every opportunity to push it around my living room. I asked Luke if I could push it outside and he said no! ha.

I had done a lot of research into prams, because originally I wanted the Silver Cross Surf. But after doing my research The Silver Cross reviews were saying that they aren't very good for an older baby/toddler, and that they are quite small. But a lot of the reviews about the iCandy were great, the adapted push chair will fit a 3 year old in comfortably. I know a 3 year old will probably be walking or in a buggy, but at least I know it will last us. We just need a maxicosy car seat to fit onto the adapters.
The changing bag goes perfectly with my pram, I love it. It's so big and has the most pockets you can possibly imagine could fit onto/into a bag. This was a gift off another friend of mine. I love Babymoov - everything just looks decent, and they have great reviews on most of their products.


My bump is getting very big now, and people joke that I might be having twins, or that I am going to give birth to an 11 pounder!!
I am getting uncomfortable now, I just wish I was full term then I would know I don't have long left to go. These next 8 weeks is going to be the longest 8 weeks of my life. I've never been patient. I am starting to enjoy her movements a lot more now. She's getting stronger and watching my stomach move it amazing...

31 week movements

32 week movements

I love watching them videos. Every night around 9pm is when she really starts to wriggle. I can sit for hours watching her, if she would move for hours, but she has about half an hour and then she stops. Every time I shout to Luke or anyone to watch, she stops. Or even when I get the camera out to video her, she stops. Sods law. She's not much of a kicker and she isn't very active, but I'm not as worried as I was because I think that is just her natural movements.  

My stretchmarks are appearing more (I would say getting worse, but I guess they are something to be proud of), all down the sides of my thighs and all over my "love handles". I feel like my legs look huge, but they are very swollen and my feet are starting to swell up during the day when I'm out and about. Hopefully all these things disappear or fade after birth.

Here are my tiger stripes this week...

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Dear Diary: Week 29 & 30

Wow, it's been a busy two weeks...

First I will start with my baby shower. This was something I knew I wanted to have even before I was pregnant. I know it is a typically American thing, but I've been to a couple now and they are just so much fun without everyone getting wasted or just standing around at a normal house party.
I got myself into a bit of a funk about getting everything for the shower like food, cake etc... But we did in the end.
I had a lot of help from some very special people, who I couldn't of done it without, and it wouldn't of happened without them. I think I kept my calm with the preparations though, I have to be involved, but I was quite calm and collected which I am not known for.
I wanted a few family members to come first so I got to have a bit of quiet time with them, as I don't see my family often, and I don't think I have seen some whilst I have been pregnant, so it was nice to see the family members who came, and speak to them about the baby and everything that is going to happen.
Then I had my friends come round, I was really nervous about people showing up, but I have a great group of friends, who I shouldn't doubt. My living room has never seen so many people. A few of my friends brought their babies round to, so I got to be all broody and have some cuddles.
It was really nice to see so many of my "girl friends" together, and with day to day life, work and what not, it's not always easy to see everyone, so getting everyone together was a lot of fun.
We played silly games relating to a baby in some way. Baby bingo, guess the nursery rhyme, baby charades, and pass the dummy (which was by far the funniest).
Indie got so many gifts of everyone, she was clearly very spoilt. Lot's of blankets, towels, toys and clothes. And a very special keepsake box. Luke was happy because the clothes she got weren't pink ha!
Very lucky, and I really appreciate all the gifts off everyone!
Thank you notes are on their way I promise!

 What was your baby shower like?

The day after the baby shower, my friend who brought her baby with her, told me her son had come out in chicken pox, and I should get tested. She felt awful, like she had done something, but stuff like this can not be helped. But I rang the Triage just for some advise, they told me I need to be tested for immunity. So they sent of some blood samples, and it took forever to come back, but luckily I'm immune to chicken pox. My mum had told me I've had them twice as a child. Lucky as it can be quite dangerous during pregnancy, from what I have read up on anyway! (should stay away from google)

Everything was going great, well as great as back ache, leg cramps and the non existent ability to tie your shoe laces could go. But there was no other concerns really. Indie was kicking more, and I could actually feel everything from her turning, to stretching, I even felt her have the hiccups. All these movements are so reassuring, and I always wake up about 6 every morning and lie there feeling everything, it makes my day, knowing she's okay in there... 

Then I had my booking appointment at the hospital to get officially registered over in Manchester, that went fine, but I mentioned that I was getting quite short of breath, especially at night and having heart palpitations, she took more blood and said it's probably to do with low iron issues. 

The following week (so this Tuesday just gone) I had my GTT diabetes test, again at the hospital, so I had the first bit of the test and the nurse told me to go back in two hours. I had a midwife appointment booked, which I was going to cancel, but thought I may as well go as I'd like to hear the baby's heartbeat again, and ask a few questions. 

So I went and it was a fill in midwife as mine was on some training day. She listened to the baby's heartbeat which was nice and strong. And then she measured my bump. She plotted it on my chart, but the last time on that chart I was 26 weeks, and she told me that it looked like my baby wasn't growing properly. Then I mentioned the breathlessness and she rang the hospital, asked for my blood results and told me that my iron was fine, then she told the hospital about the growth of the baby, and said I had to go into the day care unit. 

So I went back to the hospital, finished my GTT test and the nurse then took me down to the day care unit (this nurse was the rudest lady ever, in my panicked mode she was not compassionate at all). They put me on the monitor for the baby's heartbeat and told me to press a button every time the baby moves. Which I did. I kept asking them about the growth and they just kept dodging my questions. The midwife there took another measurement and said she was going to investigate. I was on the monitor for hours, and I was on my own. Then the rude nurse came in and said "Gemma your scan is going to be after lunch, here's some dinner" she more or less threw a brown bag at me and walked off. I didn't even know I was going for a scan! So I'm panicking more thinking all sorts, knowing that they don't send everyone for scans. Luke came rushing out of work to be with me. 

The scan showed that everything was fine, the water around baby was normal, the blood rushing threw the placenta was normal, baby was on the small side but not dangerously so, and she was healthy. 

So when I went back into the clinic, a midwife was like "right you can go now" literally no answers?! So I asked, why has all this happened, I was told my baby isn't growing properly and I've been in hospital all day? To then be told, the fill in midwife had made a mistake, and my measurements shouldn't of been taken, and I should also of never been measured at 26 weeks! Obviously I was relieved that Indie was healthy and I didn't need to worry about her, but wow, I was in proper panic mode thinking they were going to have to bring her early, and that I wasn't prepared for her yet. 

Both me and Luke came out of that hospital in a right mess of emotions, angry, happy, relieved, confused? 

All I am grateful for is getting to see Indie again and knowing she's healthy and okay. 

She's done nothing but wriggle since!

My pregnancy these last two weeks:

Not much has changed, other than movements getting stronger, Luke had his hand on my stomach the other morning, and it felt like she was stretching. It freaked him out a little, but I loved it! 

My cravings are exactly the same, milk in the morning (and lots of it), fizzy pop in the afternoon. I've also been needing a bit of chocolate during the day, otherwise I just seem to crash. 

I've been waking up every morning between half past five and six, no matter what time I go to bed. This is really frustrating. Half way through the day I get very very tired and need to nap, and then I'm back in bed for 9. My body is very tired. 

My bump suddenly feels ginormous, and my stretch marks are getting quite bad now. They're mainly on the sides of my body and down the top of my thighs, which is where I carry a lot of my weight. 

I know I'm going to struggle to lose the weight on the legs, but I will. It's on the list of to dos, but it's not my priority. 

I'm starting to enjoy pregnancy a bit more lately. 

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Dear Diary: Week 27 & 28

Week 27 and 28 have gone so fast.

In week 27 I had an appointment with my new midwife in Swinton. It went well and she answered all my questions. I took a list with me so I wouldn't forget what to ask.
She told me that I have to go for a whole new booking appointment as they don't do things the same in Manchester as they do in Blackburn/Burnley.
She looked at my medical book like it was alien, it was strange, I would of thought that the whole country would use the same books.
I'm looking forward to getting everything settled over here.

Not much as changed in my pregnancy though, baby seems to move the same, some days she is really active and some days she's quiet. The quiet days make me nervous, but I'm trying not to get worked up every time she has a quiet day.
It's impossible for me to keep an eye on movements the way the midwives tell you too. You're meant to know the baby's pattern, but there is absolutely no way I could do this.
Is this normal? Surely every baby is different, maybe mine is just a rebel.

Work is getting hard now, just the stress and pressure of it. The busy days are tiring, but the quiet days are worse. I can't win.
Sitting at my desk on a desk chair all day, it's becoming so painful. All the pressure on my back and bum is horrendous, some days I want to cry with the pain. There is nothing they can do though, I have to sit at a desk and they only have desk chairs.
I only have May left at work and then I am on Maternity Leave. It can't come quick enough!

My cravings are slowing down a lot more. I still enjoy a glass of milk and a bottle on pop (not at the same time) but I don't feel like I need it anymore. I do feel like I need chocolate during the day, not a lot, but at least a bar... It picks me back up especially in work.

My stretch marks are becoming more and more defined. Mainly on my sides, not on the front though, I wonder when that will happen, which I know will happen.

Dear Diary: Week 25 & 26

Not much has changed in my pregnancy in these last couple of weeks. 

My baby is definitely getting stronger though. I can now feel and see her kicks a lot more and they feel so much more powerful. I really enjoy sitting and watching my stomach move, and I love making everyone else watch it too!

I had my midwife appointment last week, and she asked about movements then, but at this point I was only really feeling the movements at night, when I was led down in bed or in the bath, but never really during the day. Which she said was normal and it could just be my baby's pattern, or it could be because I'm always busy during the day. 

Then when the midwife said she was going to listen in and she put the microphone thing onto my stomach, straight away the baby kicked. Safe to stay she was moving during the day. 

From what feels like that day I have felt her a lot more even during the day. It's amazing I can now know she's okay and healthy all the time. 

I had a bit of a paranoid moment over the weekend. Because I had felt her moving a lot over the last week then from Friday through to Sunday morning I hadn't really felt her move much. I was feeling little movements but nothing too much. So I just rang the Triage at Burnley just to get some advise and see if the decrease in movement was normal. They said no and that I had t go in to get checked. 

 So I went in and explained I had actually felt a bit of movement so I knew she was okay in that sense but I just needed to know if her not moving the same was normal. So they put me on the monitor and because of all the pressure the midwife was putting on my stomach I could feel the baby squirming away from her. The midwife was laughing at her. Safe to say she was okay. The reason I couldn't feel the baby as much is because of the position she was led in. 

I'm just so happy knowing that the baby is okay. 

That's my last time I will have any sort of appointment in Blackburn/Burnley. 

Me and Luke have moved back to Manchester, but at this point in my pregnancy I had to swap everything over to a Manchester midwife and book into a hospital over here. I was really upset because I couldn't do this without leaving my doctor and registering over here. It makes sense to have a doctor over here, but I love my doctor. She's been amazing with me throughout my entire pregnancy, so it was really upsetting leaving her. 

I have a midwife appointment booked in again to get everything transferred over. 

And after doing my research I think I want to have my baby in St. Mary's hospital. I have the choice for a birthing unit, but my paranoid self says I may as well have my baby in a hospital where if anything does happen then I'm already there. 

After my last post about breast feeding I have had a lot of people come forward and tell me their experiences and it's been a great help. I didn't think that it was as common as it actually is. And getting so many peoples stories has really help boost my confidence. I know that deep down if I don't try I will regret it. I have always said that I want to breastfeed and I'm just scared, but I know I will get a lot of support. 

Cravings are all the same. I'm finding out that I want more and more fizzy pop all the time and fruit. 

My bump is definitely getting big now, and I'm starting to get my first stretch marks. I knew that being this big so early on only means stretch marks. I'm not upset by them like I thought I would be. I guess it's just apart of pregnancy. Some women are lucky and don't get them, unfortunately I'm not one of them, but I've dealt with putting on weight, it's sometimes difficult when I really want to wear something and I just feel like a whale, but I know it's all going to be worth it in the end. 

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Dear Diary: 4am Soppy Post

When I first mentioned babies to my husband Luke, I swear he turned grey, there might of been a Luke shaped hole in the door. 

I remember the moment I first really felt overwhelmed and like a needed to have a baby with him. I had just finished watching About Time for probably the 3rd or 4th time. Luke was out with his friends at the pub and I put the film on again and it just made me feel like we can do anything. Like there is no perfect time to get married or have children. 

So I messaged him asking him, but I don't think he took me seriously until the next day when I asked properly. 

I think how serious I actually was about it, freaked him out more. 

When we had both calmed down a bit we finally discussed when would be best for both of us and we had to compromise. After all isn't that what marriage is about? 

This was sometime just after the New Year and we agreed to start trying for a baby in October, but it came with a rule. Providing we had shown that we was making financial progress. Which I thought seemed fair so I went a long with that. 

The months kept passing and I would mention having a baby all the time. It became so important to me. Finally in August we were showing signs of getting ourselves sorted and I asked again and Luke said yes!! Best day ever! 

I think it still scares him that he said yes. But he's been great. At first he took a very relaxed approach to it and he had the attitude "what ever happens, happens" but in normal "Gemma" fashion I did not take that approach. 

When I finally fell pregnant I think something clicked in Lukes brain and he's been in dad mode ever since. 

First off he went and bought me some flowers and a big teddy. But he also bought two Dr.Suess books for the baby so he could read to her (we didn't know she was a girl at this point) I was only 5 weeks pregnant and only just found out. But he had to have these books. He also bought children's DVDs for our when out baby is here. It was really sweet actually. 

It made me relax more about his doubts, I knew it was a massive thing for him, and probably deep down he might not of felt 100% ready.

But since then he's really sprung into action. 

He's been to every appointment except one. His face when we first had our 12 week scan was pure amazement. He fell just as hard for our baby as I did. 

The love on his face when we went for our gender scan made me realise that he will love no one more than our little girl. 

He first heard her heartbeat properly in my last midwife appointment, I could see how happy he was that she is nice and healthy. And then the worry on his face when he realised he was going to have to protect our little girl and be a dad. 

He panics all the time about how to be a good parent. He tells me all the time that it worried him that parenting only goes so far and then it's down to her peers. 

He's constantly saying that we need to find the BEST schools for her with the best kids in it. 

It's got to be a big worry for every parent. But it might be a backwards way of thinking but I think it's so sweet that he's feeling like this. Feeling so strongly about being the best dad he could ever be. 

I have 100% confidence that he will be. 

Sometimes I lay and wonder how we will work as a team. Luke's very laid back normally and very calm in most respects. I'm not. I'm very controlled and organised and I let things wear me down. 

But thinking back on all the big things to ever to happen to me and Luke, we have gotten through it together. We work so well together. He calms me down and I help organise him. And I think it's so true when you hear "opposites attract". It makes life interesting. 

Luke has never held a baby, he's never been around them so this is all brand new to him. I've told him to practise by holding a friend's baby. But he's now decided that the first baby he will hold is our own. This made my heart melt. It's such a big thing for him and I know how much it means to him. 

He asked questions that I sometimes feel are self explanatory because I forget about him never being around babies or children. I was 16 when my little brother was born, I was very hands on with him, I know how to change nappies and prepare bottles. But for Luke he's never seen a dirty nappy or a bottle, so of course he's asking them questions. It must be terrifying. 

But after everything we have been through together I know that he will rise to the challenge and he will be the best dad that any child could imagine having. 

Our little girl is lucky to have Luke as a father. 

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Dear Diary: Week 23 & 24

*Really late with this post*

These last few week have been busy but slow. I had a week off work about 2 weeks ago which was heaven, I didn't want to go back. I would say I will get a lot of time off when the baby is here, but we all know looking after babies can be a full time job. But it's a job I'm actually looking forward to having. 

Nothing much had changed pregnancy wise. Except I am enjoying being pregnant a lot more. My nerves are still there, when I eat something a bit to salty or I eat a fair bit of chocolate during the day, I panic I'm going to hurt the baby some how. I know that it's not as simple as that and I do drink lots of water and eat some fruit and veg each day. I find it difficult but I try. 

I have started to feel her move a lot more now which is always reassuring, and I've even started to see movements, tiny little movements on top of the skin. Mainly when I am in the bath (I have even got it on video). It makes me so happy feeling her move, knowing she is in there, happy, healthy, comfy. 

As each day passes I get that little bit more nervous about being a mum, about having everything she needs, being everything she needs. 

These last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. I know I can pin it down to hormones and get away with it, but hearing a slow soppy song on my iPod, and I'm in floods. But every time I cry I feel that sense of relief, like a good cry can really sort you out. 

Changes to my body over these last two weeks have really started to stand out. My boobs are HORRIBLE, I mean it, they are horrid, people always think that when you're pregnant and your boobs go big that it's amazing. Well 1) I have never liked big boobs, my clothes and dress sense doesn't suit them. 2) They are so uncomfortable. 3) They are pregnancy boobs, and they look like it too. 

My belly button looks very strange. I think it may pop out soon.

My legs and bum also don't look great either. I know I have put weight on and I know it's down to me. Sometimes it upsets me, sometimes it just makes me realise that I will work hard to get into shape. 

My cravings are the same, milk in the morning, fizzy pop in the afternoon. And I find that I am really thirsty a lot at night time too. I could go all morning without a drink (except milk) if I didn't force myself to have water. But at night time, right before bed I have to drink a bottle of water, I don't know why this is?

I've also been thinking a lot about whether or not I'm going to breastfeed. I always said I wanted to, because of all the benefits, for both me and the baby. But the closer I get and the more thinking I do about it, I'm starting to wonder whether it's right for me or not? If anyone has any advise please let me know?
I'm more worried about the restrictions that come with breast feeding. Feeling like I can't go any where, because I'm not the kind of person that would feel comfortable breast feeding in public. That and what if I need my mum or sister to look after her for a few hours, I know I can express milk, but won't I still fill up ready for her normal feed times, and then what do I do? 

Please can someone shed some light on this for me?

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