Dear Diary: Week 27 & 28

Week 27 and 28 have gone so fast.

In week 27 I had an appointment with my new midwife in Swinton. It went well and she answered all my questions. I took a list with me so I wouldn't forget what to ask.
She told me that I have to go for a whole new booking appointment as they don't do things the same in Manchester as they do in Blackburn/Burnley.
She looked at my medical book like it was alien, it was strange, I would of thought that the whole country would use the same books.
I'm looking forward to getting everything settled over here.

Not much as changed in my pregnancy though, baby seems to move the same, some days she is really active and some days she's quiet. The quiet days make me nervous, but I'm trying not to get worked up every time she has a quiet day.
It's impossible for me to keep an eye on movements the way the midwives tell you too. You're meant to know the baby's pattern, but there is absolutely no way I could do this.
Is this normal? Surely every baby is different, maybe mine is just a rebel.

Work is getting hard now, just the stress and pressure of it. The busy days are tiring, but the quiet days are worse. I can't win.
Sitting at my desk on a desk chair all day, it's becoming so painful. All the pressure on my back and bum is horrendous, some days I want to cry with the pain. There is nothing they can do though, I have to sit at a desk and they only have desk chairs.
I only have May left at work and then I am on Maternity Leave. It can't come quick enough!

My cravings are slowing down a lot more. I still enjoy a glass of milk and a bottle on pop (not at the same time) but I don't feel like I need it anymore. I do feel like I need chocolate during the day, not a lot, but at least a bar... It picks me back up especially in work.

My stretch marks are becoming more and more defined. Mainly on my sides, not on the front though, I wonder when that will happen, which I know will happen.

Dear Diary: Week 25 & 26

Not much has changed in my pregnancy in these last couple of weeks. 

My baby is definitely getting stronger though. I can now feel and see her kicks a lot more and they feel so much more powerful. I really enjoy sitting and watching my stomach move, and I love making everyone else watch it too!

I had my midwife appointment last week, and she asked about movements then, but at this point I was only really feeling the movements at night, when I was led down in bed or in the bath, but never really during the day. Which she said was normal and it could just be my baby's pattern, or it could be because I'm always busy during the day. 

Then when the midwife said she was going to listen in and she put the microphone thing onto my stomach, straight away the baby kicked. Safe to stay she was moving during the day. 

From what feels like that day I have felt her a lot more even during the day. It's amazing I can now know she's okay and healthy all the time. 

I had a bit of a paranoid moment over the weekend. Because I had felt her moving a lot over the last week then from Friday through to Sunday morning I hadn't really felt her move much. I was feeling little movements but nothing too much. So I just rang the Triage at Burnley just to get some advise and see if the decrease in movement was normal. They said no and that I had t go in to get checked. 

 So I went in and explained I had actually felt a bit of movement so I knew she was okay in that sense but I just needed to know if her not moving the same was normal. So they put me on the monitor and because of all the pressure the midwife was putting on my stomach I could feel the baby squirming away from her. The midwife was laughing at her. Safe to say she was okay. The reason I couldn't feel the baby as much is because of the position she was led in. 

I'm just so happy knowing that the baby is okay. 

That's my last time I will have any sort of appointment in Blackburn/Burnley. 

Me and Luke have moved back to Manchester, but at this point in my pregnancy I had to swap everything over to a Manchester midwife and book into a hospital over here. I was really upset because I couldn't do this without leaving my doctor and registering over here. It makes sense to have a doctor over here, but I love my doctor. She's been amazing with me throughout my entire pregnancy, so it was really upsetting leaving her. 

I have a midwife appointment booked in again to get everything transferred over. 

And after doing my research I think I want to have my baby in St. Mary's hospital. I have the choice for a birthing unit, but my paranoid self says I may as well have my baby in a hospital where if anything does happen then I'm already there. 

After my last post about breast feeding I have had a lot of people come forward and tell me their experiences and it's been a great help. I didn't think that it was as common as it actually is. And getting so many peoples stories has really help boost my confidence. I know that deep down if I don't try I will regret it. I have always said that I want to breastfeed and I'm just scared, but I know I will get a lot of support. 

Cravings are all the same. I'm finding out that I want more and more fizzy pop all the time and fruit. 

My bump is definitely getting big now, and I'm starting to get my first stretch marks. I knew that being this big so early on only means stretch marks. I'm not upset by them like I thought I would be. I guess it's just apart of pregnancy. Some women are lucky and don't get them, unfortunately I'm not one of them, but I've dealt with putting on weight, it's sometimes difficult when I really want to wear something and I just feel like a whale, but I know it's all going to be worth it in the end. 

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Dear Diary: 4am Soppy Post

When I first mentioned babies to my husband Luke, I swear he turned grey, there might of been a Luke shaped hole in the door. 

I remember the moment I first really felt overwhelmed and like a needed to have a baby with him. I had just finished watching About Time for probably the 3rd or 4th time. Luke was out with his friends at the pub and I put the film on again and it just made me feel like we can do anything. Like there is no perfect time to get married or have children. 

So I messaged him asking him, but I don't think he took me seriously until the next day when I asked properly. 

I think how serious I actually was about it, freaked him out more. 

When we had both calmed down a bit we finally discussed when would be best for both of us and we had to compromise. After all isn't that what marriage is about? 

This was sometime just after the New Year and we agreed to start trying for a baby in October, but it came with a rule. Providing we had shown that we was making financial progress. Which I thought seemed fair so I went a long with that. 

The months kept passing and I would mention having a baby all the time. It became so important to me. Finally in August we were showing signs of getting ourselves sorted and I asked again and Luke said yes!! Best day ever! 

I think it still scares him that he said yes. But he's been great. At first he took a very relaxed approach to it and he had the attitude "what ever happens, happens" but in normal "Gemma" fashion I did not take that approach. 

When I finally fell pregnant I think something clicked in Lukes brain and he's been in dad mode ever since. 

First off he went and bought me some flowers and a big teddy. But he also bought two Dr.Suess books for the baby so he could read to her (we didn't know she was a girl at this point) I was only 5 weeks pregnant and only just found out. But he had to have these books. He also bought children's DVDs for our when out baby is here. It was really sweet actually. 

It made me relax more about his doubts, I knew it was a massive thing for him, and probably deep down he might not of felt 100% ready.

But since then he's really sprung into action. 

He's been to every appointment except one. His face when we first had our 12 week scan was pure amazement. He fell just as hard for our baby as I did. 

The love on his face when we went for our gender scan made me realise that he will love no one more than our little girl. 

He first heard her heartbeat properly in my last midwife appointment, I could see how happy he was that she is nice and healthy. And then the worry on his face when he realised he was going to have to protect our little girl and be a dad. 

He panics all the time about how to be a good parent. He tells me all the time that it worried him that parenting only goes so far and then it's down to her peers. 

He's constantly saying that we need to find the BEST schools for her with the best kids in it. 

It's got to be a big worry for every parent. But it might be a backwards way of thinking but I think it's so sweet that he's feeling like this. Feeling so strongly about being the best dad he could ever be. 

I have 100% confidence that he will be. 

Sometimes I lay and wonder how we will work as a team. Luke's very laid back normally and very calm in most respects. I'm not. I'm very controlled and organised and I let things wear me down. 

But thinking back on all the big things to ever to happen to me and Luke, we have gotten through it together. We work so well together. He calms me down and I help organise him. And I think it's so true when you hear "opposites attract". It makes life interesting. 

Luke has never held a baby, he's never been around them so this is all brand new to him. I've told him to practise by holding a friend's baby. But he's now decided that the first baby he will hold is our own. This made my heart melt. It's such a big thing for him and I know how much it means to him. 

He asked questions that I sometimes feel are self explanatory because I forget about him never being around babies or children. I was 16 when my little brother was born, I was very hands on with him, I know how to change nappies and prepare bottles. But for Luke he's never seen a dirty nappy or a bottle, so of course he's asking them questions. It must be terrifying. 

But after everything we have been through together I know that he will rise to the challenge and he will be the best dad that any child could imagine having. 

Our little girl is lucky to have Luke as a father. 

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Dear Diary: Week 23 & 24

*Really late with this post*

These last few week have been busy but slow. I had a week off work about 2 weeks ago which was heaven, I didn't want to go back. I would say I will get a lot of time off when the baby is here, but we all know looking after babies can be a full time job. But it's a job I'm actually looking forward to having. 

Nothing much had changed pregnancy wise. Except I am enjoying being pregnant a lot more. My nerves are still there, when I eat something a bit to salty or I eat a fair bit of chocolate during the day, I panic I'm going to hurt the baby some how. I know that it's not as simple as that and I do drink lots of water and eat some fruit and veg each day. I find it difficult but I try. 

I have started to feel her move a lot more now which is always reassuring, and I've even started to see movements, tiny little movements on top of the skin. Mainly when I am in the bath (I have even got it on video). It makes me so happy feeling her move, knowing she is in there, happy, healthy, comfy. 

As each day passes I get that little bit more nervous about being a mum, about having everything she needs, being everything she needs. 

These last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. I know I can pin it down to hormones and get away with it, but hearing a slow soppy song on my iPod, and I'm in floods. But every time I cry I feel that sense of relief, like a good cry can really sort you out. 

Changes to my body over these last two weeks have really started to stand out. My boobs are HORRIBLE, I mean it, they are horrid, people always think that when you're pregnant and your boobs go big that it's amazing. Well 1) I have never liked big boobs, my clothes and dress sense doesn't suit them. 2) They are so uncomfortable. 3) They are pregnancy boobs, and they look like it too. 

My belly button looks very strange. I think it may pop out soon.

My legs and bum also don't look great either. I know I have put weight on and I know it's down to me. Sometimes it upsets me, sometimes it just makes me realise that I will work hard to get into shape. 

My cravings are the same, milk in the morning, fizzy pop in the afternoon. And I find that I am really thirsty a lot at night time too. I could go all morning without a drink (except milk) if I didn't force myself to have water. But at night time, right before bed I have to drink a bottle of water, I don't know why this is?

I've also been thinking a lot about whether or not I'm going to breastfeed. I always said I wanted to, because of all the benefits, for both me and the baby. But the closer I get and the more thinking I do about it, I'm starting to wonder whether it's right for me or not? If anyone has any advise please let me know?
I'm more worried about the restrictions that come with breast feeding. Feeling like I can't go any where, because I'm not the kind of person that would feel comfortable breast feeding in public. That and what if I need my mum or sister to look after her for a few hours, I know I can express milk, but won't I still fill up ready for her normal feed times, and then what do I do? 

Please can someone shed some light on this for me?

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Dear Diary: Project-B Weeks 16-19

Click on image to be taken to website.

Opening my first Project-B box was so exciting. If you have ever had a glossy box, it's like receiving that every month, except it's full of pregnancy goodies.

A friend told me about them and straight away I was interested. The good thing is that it's monthly based on how far you are into your pregnancy, so your needs are different, and every box knows it.

Weeks 16-19.

The first thing I saw was a book, I just thought it was a magazine on the brand. But it was actually a recipe book on Super Fruits in pregnancy. This book is amazing, it has some really nice recipes in there. How to make smoothies, what fruits go together well etc... It's really interesting, because eating fruit on it's own can get a little boring, and choir like. Mixing it up like this is a really easy and fun way to get the fruit that you need.

Opening my box was like a child opening a present on Christmas morning. I was so excited.

The first thing I came across, was some cards with tips on...

These cards are really handy. Like the exercise for a fitter pregnancy card, I have always been a bit scared of "over" doing it, and hurting myself. Or worse the baby. So it's really reassuring. And doing these exercises do make you feel like you're doing something to help.
The recipe card is another great one because in my box I got a packet of Quinola.

I have never head Quinola, and it reminds me a lot of couscous. Tasting it also reminded me of couscous. The texture and everything is very similar. I'm not a big fan of it myself, just because of the texture. But I do think that if you are into that kind of thing, it'll make a nicer alternative sometimes.

Next was BBB (Bloom, Bump, Baby) Stretch Mark Defence Body Oil...

And as you can see from my latest bump picture, I don't have any stretch marks. I have been applying this oil every night after my bath or shower. It smells amazing, it doesn't feel oily. It is a little sticky when applying, but dries really fast. I have used Bio Oil in the past for scars, but it is sticky and doesn't really dry, just sort of rubs off. I would highly recommend.

I also got a little tester of Cocoa Butter Formula, I can't really give you my advise on this, as the smell really turns my stomach. I think this is a pregnancy related dislike! I have been told that it's really nice and works wonders on dry skin.

I also got some lovely BB cream from the bran Ginvera, and it was Green Tea scented and it smelt amazing. I have really sensitive skin, but this was so gentle on my face. It just felt like a really nice light moisturizer. I normally suffer from dry skin, but during my pregnancy I have been breaking out, and this BB cream gave me enough coverage, without feeling like I was adding to the problem.

My last thing I got was Mum's D Drops...

In my first midwife appointment she mentioned the lack of Vitamin D within new born babies, because their mums aren't getting enough during pregnancy. So when this came in my box I was actually very happy and relieved there is something out there that can help. You just add one drop to a glass of water each day. It's so easy, along with all the other vitamins that you should be taking during pregnancy, one more won't hurt. I actually enjoy taking my vitamins as I know they are helping baby.

Overall I would highly recommend to newly pregnant ladies. Especially if this is your first baby, as to be honest I am still clueless on a few things, and these boxes make you feel like you've got some guidance. It's reassuring for me to know what I can use within my pregnancy and what I should be eating. There's so many articles and people out there telling you not to use this and not to use that. But Project-B focuses on what you can use and should use.

I look forward to writing about my next box.

Dear Diary: Week 21 & 22

Every time I get to another week in my count down, I get really excited. 

However my pregnancy seems to be slowing down now. Not dragging, but definitely slowing down. 

Week 21 was easy, there really isn't much to report. My cravings stayed the same, milk in the morning, fizzy pop in the afternoon. Luke said it's really strange to see me drinking fizzy pop because normally I hate it. 

I started getting really bad headaches, so I went to the doctors to check my blood pressure and it was a little high, nothing to worry about. 

But week 22... 

Well a mix of my paranoia and me actually feeling like death, I rang the Triage Centre in Burnley because my head was pounding, my mood was horrendous, my body temperature felt really high and I thought I hadn't felt movement in just over a day, the midwife told to me go in straight away. I did manage to keep my calm whilst I was leaving work, but as soon as I got into my car and rang my mum I just burst into tears. I just work myself up into a panic. 

I got to the hospital and the first thing they did was check for the baby's heartbeat. They found it straight away, and she was definitely moving, as she kept moving away from the little microphone thing that they use. 

Making sure the baby is okay, is my number one priority. 

I feel more movements now too, which I love, I start tracking her movements and she'll have a routine for a few days, and then she goes all quiet on me for a day or two, which of course I start to worry. I just need to relax and start enjoying my pregnancy. 

I love it when she kicks, I can't wait for another couple of weeks when she will grow double the size that she is now, and then I will be able to feel her so much more. 

In week 22, my fizzy pop craving hasn't been so bad. I still crave milk in the morning though, and lots and lots of biscuits. I really do want sweet food quiet a lot, hope that's normal? My next midwife appointment is in a couple of weeks, I'll ask her then.

My bump is huge now, I really can't do anything. Tying my shoe laces, shaving my legs etc... It's all getting too much. Everyone comments on the size more or less every day. I do love it though. 

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Dear Diary: 11 Things About (my) Pregnancy

Every pregnancy is different, and every person is different. These are 11 things I have realised since finding out I was pregnant. 

1. Your Personality Traits Heighten

I have always been a worrier, a paranoid hypochondriac. Before I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to enjoy pregnancy, having a nice round bump, feeling the baby kick & having that wonderful pregnancy glow... Instead I have gone into worrier overdrive, every little thing makes me jump on the phone to my doctor. Which brings me onto number 2...

2. Google is Both a Blessing and a Curse

Every one of my friends will tell how I literally googled everything, from headaches & tummy aches to more serious problems, and I would convince myself that I was dying, or close to dying, but all it would take it that one positive answer and I would relax (or just go to the doctors). It's the same in pregnancy, you google like little pain and you're convinced something is wrong. On the flip side I have received some very reassuring advice on "netmums" so it's not all dramatic. 

3. Putting on Weight is GOING to Happen

Food has always been my worst enemy, I've struggled to be skinny, and I have forced myself to go hungry. But once you're pregnant everything changes, your insecurities are still there but you realise that if you want a nice healthy baby you have to do what it takes. I'm hungry all the time, and I have put on weight, but I'll eat for my baby, I will make sure I am healthy for her. If I choose not to lose it after the baby is born then that's down to me. I know I will have to work hard, but I know I will do it the right way this time. And with this weight gain, you get used to people noticing.

4. Morning Sickness doesn't Exist

You think that it's a big sign that you're pregnant when you start throwing up your guts in the morning. Nope this is a lie! My sickness happened to be between 5pm and 6pm and I would feel nausea all day long. But it really does get better in the second trimester. 

5. It is Not Easy

Some women are super women, some women are not. I haven't had an easy pregnancy. Some days are better than others, some days I just want to wallow. Any one that makes you feel like you're being over dramatic or like there is actually nothing wrong needs a big fat punch in their face! 

6. People Change

Everyone around you either becomes all about the baby, or they run for the hills. Whether that be family or friends. And you suddenly attract anyone who is pregnant or has a baby, it's like a club. At the moment it seems that everyone is pregnant or has just had a baby, it's definitely baby season. I have noticed that the family who I thought would be there, haven't been, and vice versa. It is true that a baby can mend broken relationships. 

7. You Love your Partner 100x More

People have said to me plenty of times in the past that I will stop loving my husband as much when I fall pregnant. But it's just not true. Luke has given me something so special and so intimate, how could I not love him more? We have created life together, and it's one more thing that we will go through together, this will be for the rest of our lives. What greater bond is there than to make someone so perfect and special with the person that you love. He's been there for everything, every time I worry, he worries. Every time I feel the baby move, he's excited. He's the father of my child. I love him 100x times more. 

8. People Will Touch Your Bump

Even random strangers will congratulate you on being pregnant, they will ask you if it's okay to touch your bump. Your friends will just feel your bump without asking. It doesn't matter to me who you are, you're welcome to feel my bump, it makes me smile, it makes me feel great about myself. It's best when the person touching your bump feels the baby move for the first time, their faces lights up like yours does every time the baby moves. 

9. Midwives are NOT Sympathetic 

Midwives clearly see pregnant women every hour of every day. But I have realised that they don't really sympathise with you. When you're worried or have concerns they kind of make you feel like you're stupid and you shouldn't even be pregnant. Most midwives I have seen during my pregnancy have has the "I can not be bothered being here" attitude, like you're getting in their way. The first midwife I saw at my first midwife appointment, was absolutely lovely, she really reassured me that she thought every thing is going to be okay. I wish they could all be like her...

10. My Doctor is My Life Saver

Because I don't feel comfortable around the midwives, I feel like I can't ask them anything personal. I always go to my doctor. From the moment I found out I was pregnant she has been there for every thing. If I ring up to make an appointment and the receptionist says there is none, my doctor rings me back and squeezes me in. If I've been at the hospital she will ring me to make sure I am okay, and she's just been my rock. I honestly don't know where I would be without her. 

11. You Love Your Baby Before She is Here

I know that to every one else it's just a bump, sometimes I think to myself how can there be a little human in there. But there is. She's my baby, and I love her more than life it self. And I will do ANY thing to keep her safe. Finding out I was pregnant was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Finding out I am having a girl was so precious. 

How has your pregnancy been?

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