Dear Diary: Week 23 & 24

*Really late with this post*

These last few week have been busy but slow. I had a week off work about 2 weeks ago which was heaven, I didn't want to go back. I would say I will get a lot of time off when the baby is here, but we all know looking after babies can be a full time job. But it's a job I'm actually looking forward to having. 

Nothing much had changed pregnancy wise. Except I am enjoying being pregnant a lot more. My nerves are still there, when I eat something a bit to salty or I eat a fair bit of chocolate during the day, I panic I'm going to hurt the baby some how. I know that it's not as simple as that and I do drink lots of water and eat some fruit and veg each day. I find it difficult but I try. 

I have started to feel her move a lot more now which is always reassuring, and I've even started to see movements, tiny little movements on top of the skin. Mainly when I am in the bath (I have even got it on video). It makes me so happy feeling her move, knowing she is in there, happy, healthy, comfy. 

As each day passes I get that little bit more nervous about being a mum, about having everything she needs, being everything she needs. 

These last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. I know I can pin it down to hormones and get away with it, but hearing a slow soppy song on my iPod, and I'm in floods. But every time I cry I feel that sense of relief, like a good cry can really sort you out. 

Changes to my body over these last two weeks have really started to stand out. My boobs are HORRIBLE, I mean it, they are horrid, people always think that when you're pregnant and your boobs go big that it's amazing. Well 1) I have never liked big boobs, my clothes and dress sense doesn't suit them. 2) They are so uncomfortable. 3) They are pregnancy boobs, and they look like it too. 

My belly button looks very strange. I think it may pop out soon.

My legs and bum also don't look great either. I know I have put weight on and I know it's down to me. Sometimes it upsets me, sometimes it just makes me realise that I will work hard to get into shape. 

My cravings are the same, milk in the morning, fizzy pop in the afternoon. And I find that I am really thirsty a lot at night time too. I could go all morning without a drink (except milk) if I didn't force myself to have water. But at night time, right before bed I have to drink a bottle of water, I don't know why this is?

I've also been thinking a lot about whether or not I'm going to breastfeed. I always said I wanted to, because of all the benefits, for both me and the baby. But the closer I get and the more thinking I do about it, I'm starting to wonder whether it's right for me or not? If anyone has any advise please let me know?
I'm more worried about the restrictions that come with breast feeding. Feeling like I can't go any where, because I'm not the kind of person that would feel comfortable breast feeding in public. That and what if I need my mum or sister to look after her for a few hours, I know I can express milk, but won't I still fill up ready for her normal feed times, and then what do I do? 

Please can someone shed some light on this for me?

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Dear Diary: Project-B Weeks 16-19

Click on image to be taken to website.

Opening my first Project-B box was so exciting. If you have ever had a glossy box, it's like receiving that every month, except it's full of pregnancy goodies.

A friend told me about them and straight away I was interested. The good thing is that it's monthly based on how far you are into your pregnancy, so your needs are different, and every box knows it.

Weeks 16-19.

The first thing I saw was a book, I just thought it was a magazine on the brand. But it was actually a recipe book on Super Fruits in pregnancy. This book is amazing, it has some really nice recipes in there. How to make smoothies, what fruits go together well etc... It's really interesting, because eating fruit on it's own can get a little boring, and choir like. Mixing it up like this is a really easy and fun way to get the fruit that you need.

Opening my box was like a child opening a present on Christmas morning. I was so excited.

The first thing I came across, was some cards with tips on...

These cards are really handy. Like the exercise for a fitter pregnancy card, I have always been a bit scared of "over" doing it, and hurting myself. Or worse the baby. So it's really reassuring. And doing these exercises do make you feel like you're doing something to help.
The recipe card is another great one because in my box I got a packet of Quinola.

I have never head Quinola, and it reminds me a lot of couscous. Tasting it also reminded me of couscous. The texture and everything is very similar. I'm not a big fan of it myself, just because of the texture. But I do think that if you are into that kind of thing, it'll make a nicer alternative sometimes.

Next was BBB (Bloom, Bump, Baby) Stretch Mark Defence Body Oil...

And as you can see from my latest bump picture, I don't have any stretch marks. I have been applying this oil every night after my bath or shower. It smells amazing, it doesn't feel oily. It is a little sticky when applying, but dries really fast. I have used Bio Oil in the past for scars, but it is sticky and doesn't really dry, just sort of rubs off. I would highly recommend.

I also got a little tester of Cocoa Butter Formula, I can't really give you my advise on this, as the smell really turns my stomach. I think this is a pregnancy related dislike! I have been told that it's really nice and works wonders on dry skin.

I also got some lovely BB cream from the bran Ginvera, and it was Green Tea scented and it smelt amazing. I have really sensitive skin, but this was so gentle on my face. It just felt like a really nice light moisturizer. I normally suffer from dry skin, but during my pregnancy I have been breaking out, and this BB cream gave me enough coverage, without feeling like I was adding to the problem.

My last thing I got was Mum's D Drops...

In my first midwife appointment she mentioned the lack of Vitamin D within new born babies, because their mums aren't getting enough during pregnancy. So when this came in my box I was actually very happy and relieved there is something out there that can help. You just add one drop to a glass of water each day. It's so easy, along with all the other vitamins that you should be taking during pregnancy, one more won't hurt. I actually enjoy taking my vitamins as I know they are helping baby.

Overall I would highly recommend to newly pregnant ladies. Especially if this is your first baby, as to be honest I am still clueless on a few things, and these boxes make you feel like you've got some guidance. It's reassuring for me to know what I can use within my pregnancy and what I should be eating. There's so many articles and people out there telling you not to use this and not to use that. But Project-B focuses on what you can use and should use.

I look forward to writing about my next box.

Dear Diary: Week 21 & 22

Every time I get to another week in my count down, I get really excited. 

However my pregnancy seems to be slowing down now. Not dragging, but definitely slowing down. 

Week 21 was easy, there really isn't much to report. My cravings stayed the same, milk in the morning, fizzy pop in the afternoon. Luke said it's really strange to see me drinking fizzy pop because normally I hate it. 

I started getting really bad headaches, so I went to the doctors to check my blood pressure and it was a little high, nothing to worry about. 

But week 22... 

Well a mix of my paranoia and me actually feeling like death, I rang the Triage Centre in Burnley because my head was pounding, my mood was horrendous, my body temperature felt really high and I thought I hadn't felt movement in just over a day, the midwife told to me go in straight away. I did manage to keep my calm whilst I was leaving work, but as soon as I got into my car and rang my mum I just burst into tears. I just work myself up into a panic. 

I got to the hospital and the first thing they did was check for the baby's heartbeat. They found it straight away, and she was definitely moving, as she kept moving away from the little microphone thing that they use. 

Making sure the baby is okay, is my number one priority. 

I feel more movements now too, which I love, I start tracking her movements and she'll have a routine for a few days, and then she goes all quiet on me for a day or two, which of course I start to worry. I just need to relax and start enjoying my pregnancy. 

I love it when she kicks, I can't wait for another couple of weeks when she will grow double the size that she is now, and then I will be able to feel her so much more. 

In week 22, my fizzy pop craving hasn't been so bad. I still crave milk in the morning though, and lots and lots of biscuits. I really do want sweet food quiet a lot, hope that's normal? My next midwife appointment is in a couple of weeks, I'll ask her then.

My bump is huge now, I really can't do anything. Tying my shoe laces, shaving my legs etc... It's all getting too much. Everyone comments on the size more or less every day. I do love it though. 

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Dear Diary: 11 Things About (my) Pregnancy

Every pregnancy is different, and every person is different. These are 11 things I have realised since finding out I was pregnant. 

1. Your Personality Traits Heighten

I have always been a worrier, a paranoid hypochondriac. Before I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to enjoy pregnancy, having a nice round bump, feeling the baby kick & having that wonderful pregnancy glow... Instead I have gone into worrier overdrive, every little thing makes me jump on the phone to my doctor. Which brings me onto number 2...

2. Google is Both a Blessing and a Curse

Every one of my friends will tell how I literally googled everything, from headaches & tummy aches to more serious problems, and I would convince myself that I was dying, or close to dying, but all it would take it that one positive answer and I would relax (or just go to the doctors). It's the same in pregnancy, you google like little pain and you're convinced something is wrong. On the flip side I have received some very reassuring advice on "netmums" so it's not all dramatic. 

3. Putting on Weight is GOING to Happen

Food has always been my worst enemy, I've struggled to be skinny, and I have forced myself to go hungry. But once you're pregnant everything changes, your insecurities are still there but you realise that if you want a nice healthy baby you have to do what it takes. I'm hungry all the time, and I have put on weight, but I'll eat for my baby, I will make sure I am healthy for her. If I choose not to lose it after the baby is born then that's down to me. I know I will have to work hard, but I know I will do it the right way this time. And with this weight gain, you get used to people noticing.

4. Morning Sickness doesn't Exist

You think that it's a big sign that you're pregnant when you start throwing up your guts in the morning. Nope this is a lie! My sickness happened to be between 5pm and 6pm and I would feel nausea all day long. But it really does get better in the second trimester. 

5. It is Not Easy

Some women are super women, some women are not. I haven't had an easy pregnancy. Some days are better than others, some days I just want to wallow. Any one that makes you feel like you're being over dramatic or like there is actually nothing wrong needs a big fat punch in their face! 

6. People Change

Everyone around you either becomes all about the baby, or they run for the hills. Whether that be family or friends. And you suddenly attract anyone who is pregnant or has a baby, it's like a club. At the moment it seems that everyone is pregnant or has just had a baby, it's definitely baby season. I have noticed that the family who I thought would be there, haven't been, and vice versa. It is true that a baby can mend broken relationships. 

7. You Love your Partner 100x More

People have said to me plenty of times in the past that I will stop loving my husband as much when I fall pregnant. But it's just not true. Luke has given me something so special and so intimate, how could I not love him more? We have created life together, and it's one more thing that we will go through together, this will be for the rest of our lives. What greater bond is there than to make someone so perfect and special with the person that you love. He's been there for everything, every time I worry, he worries. Every time I feel the baby move, he's excited. He's the father of my child. I love him 100x times more. 

8. People Will Touch Your Bump

Even random strangers will congratulate you on being pregnant, they will ask you if it's okay to touch your bump. Your friends will just feel your bump without asking. It doesn't matter to me who you are, you're welcome to feel my bump, it makes me smile, it makes me feel great about myself. It's best when the person touching your bump feels the baby move for the first time, their faces lights up like yours does every time the baby moves. 

9. Midwives are NOT Sympathetic 

Midwives clearly see pregnant women every hour of every day. But I have realised that they don't really sympathise with you. When you're worried or have concerns they kind of make you feel like you're stupid and you shouldn't even be pregnant. Most midwives I have seen during my pregnancy have has the "I can not be bothered being here" attitude, like you're getting in their way. The first midwife I saw at my first midwife appointment, was absolutely lovely, she really reassured me that she thought every thing is going to be okay. I wish they could all be like her...

10. My Doctor is My Life Saver

Because I don't feel comfortable around the midwives, I feel like I can't ask them anything personal. I always go to my doctor. From the moment I found out I was pregnant she has been there for every thing. If I ring up to make an appointment and the receptionist says there is none, my doctor rings me back and squeezes me in. If I've been at the hospital she will ring me to make sure I am okay, and she's just been my rock. I honestly don't know where I would be without her. 

11. You Love Your Baby Before She is Here

I know that to every one else it's just a bump, sometimes I think to myself how can there be a little human in there. But there is. She's my baby, and I love her more than life it self. And I will do ANY thing to keep her safe. Finding out I was pregnant was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Finding out I am having a girl was so precious. 

How has your pregnancy been?

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Dear Diary: Week 19 & 20

I can finally write this post. After moving we haven't had internet, and although I could write this on my phone through the app, it's not the same and I wanted to wait until we had wifi.

Week 19 and 20 have been very busy.
First with the house move, which went amazingly well, this was in week 19. But my pregnancy that week was very difficult, I started to feel really poorly whilst I was at work. It kind of felt like I was hungover, I was really tired, feeling weak and queasy and my head was pounding. I had to go home, when I got home I just slept the whole afternoon. It was the same the day after, I needed to sleep a lot. So on Monday I went to the doctors and had my bloods taken, whilst I was there she checked my blood pressure and my sugar levels, which both were on the low side. She told me to rest and take it easy. I have been really good for not taking paracetamol for anything during my pregnancy but I had to take paracetamol for my head aches. A couple days went by, and I just put my feet up, and my blood results came back and my iron levels were very very low, which is odd because I have been on iron tablets since I found out I was pregnant. So I've had to double up doses, but this has made me feel a bit groggy.
By the weekend I started to feel a little better, and that's when the house move started. Luckily for me it was easy, because I couldn't actually help with the lifting and moving, so I was appointed 'brew maker' for the day, was fine with me.
It's been a bit emotional moving back into our own place. The day after my mum came down to help build furniture, and the first thing she built was the baby's cot. I love it, and I am now always walking in her room, we just need to get her wardrobe and drawers and then I can really start planning.

Week 20 had it's own excitement... One, we named our child. Two, we got to see our little girl again.

Firstly the name: This has been something that me and Luke have spoke about for what feels like since we met when we was twelve, infact I remember having a silly conversation when we was younger saying that we would one day have 12 kids and they all had funny names. But on a serious note, since we started talking about having a baby we started talking baby names. We got our boys name sorted but we could never ever agree on a girls name. So when we found out we are having a girl we had to really think about it, we just would not agree for ages.
Luke just mentioned a name one day that he liked and I just out it down on the list not really getting excited about it, then we decided to name her one thing, but I could tell we both had just settled on it because it was getting tough. Then Luke mentioned this name again, and it just sort of felt right, it was lovely all of a sudden and now I love it.
Her name is...

Indie Autumn Barnett

Her middle name has meaning behind it also. Everything happens in Autumn for us, Luke proposed to me in Autumn, we got married in Autumn, and I found out I was having our baby in Autumn (not that she'll know that last bit until she's old enough). 

I really love her name, and everyone that knows seems to like it, I know you shouldn't care about what people think, but I do want people to like it and understand it. I also wanted a name that couldn't be shortened down, I don't like nick-names. 

The scan: 

My scan was on a Friday and waiting the whole week was torture. I could feel her moving around at nights so I was feeling confident that she was okay, but there was always doubt in my mind. I was working that morning, and could not wait to finish and get to that hospital. I didn't want to make the same mistake and go with a very very full bladder this time. So I didn't drink as much and I felt okay, I knew that this scan would take longer because it was all health checks. The woman was lovely and as soon as she put the scanner onto my stomach she said straight away that she could see her heart beat and the baby. I could then enjoy seeing my beautiful little girl on the screen. I also asked if she could double check the gender, just to be on the safe side. She did all the health checks and we got to see her fingers and her toes, it was amazing seeing her feet so clear and her hands. She kept moving her arms and legs everywhere. I got to see her looking towards us, it was just amazing. But she was also being a little wriggler and wouldn't let the woman get what she needed straight away so I had to move around to get the baby to move in the right position. She got everything she needed and said all the health checks were perfectly fine and everything looks normal, THANK GOD! 

She also double checked the scan and she said "yep definitely a girl" another THANK GOD! She already had everything pink! 

My symptoms are slowing down now, I don't get much sickness. But everything is growing, and when I say everything I mean everything. There is no denying I am pregnant now. People are asking me straight away, without doubting themselves. I like having a bump though, everyone wants to touch it. Which again I like, any moment I get to talk about being pregnant, or having a baby, I will talk about it. 

I still crave milk a lot in the morning and frizzy pop in the night. 

Her movements are amazing now, she kicks quite hard sometimes, not so it's uncomfortable, but it's noticeable. Luke felt his first proper kick 3 nights ago, he was so happy, seeing his face light up is jus amazing, he can now feel apart of it. We started talking to the bump a bit, but we both still feel kind of silly doing so.  

She kicks mainly at 3/4 in the morning, which wakes me up. It's bittersweet, because I'm awake at 4 in the morning which tires me out for the rest of the day, but I get to feel my baby move. 

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Dear Diary: We're Moving...

It's been a long time coming, but we're finally getting back on track.

I would say I regret ever moving out of my own place, but it was a choice that we made together to help ourselves at the time.
Has it been hard, yes of course it has. I've been independent for as long as I can remember, and going somewhere that makes it difficult to be yourself can be suffocating.
But was it worth it? Yes, it got us back on our feet financially, don't get me wrong we're not sorted, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Moving in with parents might be easy for some people, it just wasn't for us. We will always be grateful for the help of course.

But we finally found a house! After weeks and weeks and weeks of searching and getting stressed out and getting tired and feeling like nothing was going to work out for us, we have finally found a house. It's back to where our home is, Manchester.
When we started talking about moving back to our own place, none of thought twice about the location, it was always going to be back to Manchester. It's where me and Luke got our first home together, it's where we made friends for life.
For my sister, who will also be living with us, her entire life is in Manchester, her friends, her job, her heart.
But if I really thought about where I was moving to, and what I was leaving behind. My mum would be my main reason to stay, but I know she wouldn't want that for us, she knows we wouldn't be happy here. With the baby on the way though, I think I'm going to find it difficult to be so far away from her. I know it's only a car ride away, but every girl needs there mum sometimes.

I wanted somewhere I was familiar with, so Swinton was the main area of concentration. I loved the house we used to live in there, but it was only two bedrooms, and with a baby on the way, it was just impractical to move into a two bedroom home.
The house that we are moving into will be perfect for our little family, and I can not wait to get in and start nesting. Getting my nursery together, setting up my little girls room is something I think about all the time.

All I want to say is thank you to everyone that has helped us with this. Everyone who understands what it is like. Everyone who wants us back on our feet and stable. We appreciate everyone and every last bit of help.

Dear Diary: Week 17 & 18

Wow these last couple of weeks have been crazy. Mainly because we have been searching high and low for our own place, and thank god, I think we have found one. The application is in and now it's just a waiting game, it looks great though. Back to Manchester for us.
It's exactly what we need as a family, with the baby on the way, we need to get prepared. May my nesting period start!

As for my pregnancy, I'm starting to feel a lot better in myself, I am starting to "feel pregnant" again. Which is reassuring. I'm now starting to feel movements, I try to track them but it's a bit difficult as they aren't kicks as such, they are just little pops and flutters. Although today the pops seem a lot harder, I'm getting really excited!
My midwife told me this is completely normal, and I shouldn't feel proper kicks until around 20 weeks as this is my first child. I can't wait for that day.
I'm constantly stroking my bump waiting to feel her kick, I know that later on in my pregnancy that I'll be begging for her to get her foot out of my ribs, but right now I'm begging for her to kick my as hard has she can so I know she's okay in there.

I had my second midwife appointment this week, which went well, I think. No room for concern.
She told me that my bump was the right size for how far along I am. Then we said that she wanted to listen to the babies heart beat. I was over the moon when I heard that beautiful noise, beating so fast. The midwife was very pleased with the rate the baby's heart was beating. I couldn't stop smiling.

My craving these last couple of weeks have been milk (I don't think this one is going anywhere any time soon), and salt! I know it's really unhealthy, but I'm just craving loads of salt on everything. I've decided to cut it out for a while, I mean more just not adding extra salt onto my food.
Symptoms these last couple of weeks have just been cravings and tiredness, I don't know why I feel so lethargic all the time, I'm getting plenty of sleep at night and I'm taking my iron tablets every night.
I think it's the stress of my job, along with the stress of finding a house. Hopefully once we're out of peaks and we've actually moved I'll start feeling a lot better.

What we have bought (or had bought for us) already. My mum has bought us the baby's cot, moses basket and car seat, and lots of little bits and bobs. Baby has her first tog bag, I'm already in love with her stuff, I pull everything out just to stare at it, I can't believe we're having a baby!!
I can't seem to make my mind up on a pram, but Luke's dad and step-mum are buying us that.
My sister keeps buying clothes, at this rate I'm not going to need to buy anything myself!
I keep reading up on what baby needs and whats best to get, there's so much stuff to think about!
I can't wait to set up her nursery in our new home!
We have decided her nursery furniture is going to be white and a dusty plum colour.

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