Dear Diary: 10 & 11 Weeks Pregnant

I thought I would write about these two weeks together, as they have both been very similar.
I'm still a paranoid mess, but I'm starting to relax about the pregnancy a bit more, and trying to enjoy it. It helps that I am back at work now, and have that bit of normality back into my life.
My Team Leader and Manager both know about the pregnancy and they have both made me feel really comfortable. Knowing that they are okay with me and knowing how nervous I am, has made me feel so much better being back at work. I needed to go one day because I was getting terrible pains and I was so worried, I literally just had to email my manager and say I have to go, and walked out. He understood completely and didn't make me feel like I had done anything wrong, which is so reassuring, knowing that they understand my needs. A few people have been asking what's wrong with me and why was I off for so long, some rumor went around that I was leaving, but I guess people will find out the truth sooner or later. We had our Christmas party, with free wine and beer, obviously I couldn't drink, and used the excuse I was on antibiotics, which isn't a lie, I was actually on them, so no lying for me, yey! I don't know if people started guessing from then. I
I'm still not sleeping very well, waking up during the night to go to the toilet, but not getting back to sleep. So I end up falling to sleep very early the next night. It's hard getting out of the vicious circle.
As for symptoms, everything seems to be calming down a bit, my boobs are still tender, but sickness has more or less disappeared. But with the exception to funny smells, they turn my stomach a lot, and I've never really been queasy. I've been put off certain foods, baby doesn't like Indian or Chinese food, and I love both! It's a nightmare.
I'm getting a mad craving for vinegar lately, well anything tangy, but I can't have pickled anything because that knocks me sick. I sneeze so much, but sometimes it really hurts in my stomach, like a really sharp stabbing pain, but apparently it's just my ligaments stretching.
Bump is getting a lot bigger now and it's getting hard to stop people from noticing, I think people at work are guessing anyway.
I have my dating scan in a matter on days I can't wait. I'm very nervous, but once I know the baby is safe and healthy I'll be able to enjoy seeing him or her.
I'm 12 weeks tomorrow!
We bought baby's first outfit today, so cute, it's got a doggy that looks just like Elijah on, and the hat has little ears! It's amazing. 

 

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Dear Diary: 9 Weeks Pregnant

 WOW. Week nine...
Has been crazy, we had our scan on Tuesday the 2^nd of December which confirmed that our little baby's heart is beating... I was so nervous driving up to the hospital, I tried drinking loads and loads of water so that the midwife wouldn't have to do an internal scan. When we got there at 9am she took me straight in but the water hadn't made it through to my bladder yet and she very nearly had to do another internal scan, but she kept looking on top on my stomach and she found Baby-B. It was amazing seeing my baby's little heart beating so fast, I was so emotional and cried. I did ask the midwife for a picture but she wouldn't let me have one, I was a bit gutted but I'll get a photo at my 12 weeks scan.
On Friday the 5^th December we had our first midwife appointment, lots of questions about our family medical history and our own medical history. Midwife reassured me that she thinks everything is going to be okay with our baby but that reassurance only lasted until I was out of the room. It made it feel more real about being pregnant, getting my book, seeing the baby.
The midwife also told us it's never to early to start talking to our baby, so baby gets used to our voices and recognizes us. So every night Luke will say goodnight to me and goodnight to Baby-B, and every morning before he leaves for work he says goodbye to Baby-B... Further along we will start speaking to baby properly, for now we kind of feel a bit silly.
As for symptoms this week; my boobs are still very very sore, but sickness has backed off a little, every now and again something will knock me sick, but it passes, I have had a lot of cramps and pains this week which I have read up and they are normal, when I sneeze I get a really sharp pain on my right side which is called Round Ligament Pain, I have rang and seen my doctor to confirm. My doctor will be so fed up of seeing me by the end of this pregnancy, but she has been a star. It's been really helpful having a doctor that cares!
I'm due back at work this weekend, I'm more nervous about the questions people might ask. I'm not a very good liar, but I'm not ready to tell everyone yet. I want to wait until the 12 week mark, just so I know myself I'm safer. I'm going to tell me Team Leader, just so I have someone to trust and depend on a little in the work place. Sometimes there you need 5 minutes to yourself but it can be so hard to get! I'm going back with a relaxed attitude, knowing that my baby and me are more important! Fingers crossed it's not to stressful. 

 

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Dear Diary: 8 Weeks Pregnant

Week eight has been uneventful. Not many changes other than my belly is definitely expanding. As for symptoms, same old nausea which is tiring me out so much, and very very sore boobs. I can't even look at them without wincing.
It's not to long, 4 days until our scan, I'm doing everything I can to ensure this baby is going to be okay, a beautiful healthy baby!
I've been feeling a bit emotional this week, and everything annoys me. I'm snapping at everything and everyone. In mine and Luke's current situation things are hard, and with my hormones going crazy so is my mind. But hopefully everything will be okay.
As for cravings, again nothing specific, I'm just craving food, food, food. I'm trying to eat a lot of fruit but it's hard, normally the fruits I like, I now don't. I'm eating a lot of oranges. Which is just my body's way of asking for certain vitamins.


Week nine will be more interesting as I will of had my scan.


Can't wait to see Baby-B. 

 

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Dear Diary: 7 Weeks Pregnant

Well where do I start?
I'm writing this closer to 8 weeks rather than on the day I hit the 7 week mark.
It's been a crazy, emotional, messy week. On Friday the 14^th, I spotted a little, which sent me into crazy panic mode, I was hysterical, I remember ringing Luke, who was and work, and I couldn't talk. I went straight to the doctors, (not my usual doctor) who sent me up to the Burnley's Early Pregnancy Unit (EPU). There they told me that spotting is normal in early pregnancy and that I shouldn't worry about it to much, but they would send me for a scan anyway, the midwife told me that as I was just 6 weeks pregnant that it may be to early to see anything just yet and not to panic if they don't.
So I had the normal belly scan and my bladder wasn't full enough so they did a horrible internal scan, and the woman who was doing the scan was lovely and explained what she could see... Which was the pregnancy sac and the yolk. Which was good news. No baby or heart beat just yet but they think my dates might be slightly off. So I have another scan booked in for the 2^nd December, which from my doctors dates will make me closer to 9 weeks.
I was still an emotional wreck, every now and again bursting into tears begging, hoping, wishing everything will be okay. The same day my normal doctor rang me to ask if I was okay and said she was sorry that she wasn't in the practice to see me that morning, she made me an appointment for that evening and said she would do blood test. So I went down with Luke for these blood tests, and my doctor said that realistically if the hormone level comes back less than 2000 it's not a good sign...
So I had to wait all weekend not knowing what was happening, and after the internal scan I was loosing a tiny bit of blood, which made me panic naturally, but I got the weekend out of the way, and waiting nervously in the doctors waiting room. She called me name and I was ready to cry right then. I went in and she was really happy and asking if I was still having pregnancy symptoms, and of course I was/am. She then told me my hormone levels are 31000!!! ridiculously high! This way amazing news! It was definitely what I needed to hear. It's still not 100% sure that nothing is wrong, but medically if something was going wrong then my hormone levels wouldn't be that high. The fact my doctor was really reassured helped me too.
That was on the monday and I hadn't lost any blood Sunday or Monday, but Tuesday I spotted a teenie tiny bit, again sent me straight into the worst mood of my life, crying again I rang the EPU and explained but they said everything was normal and that there really isn't anything that they can do and that I would have to wait until my scan.
I've had no bleeding since then and my scan is in a week tomorrow. It seems to be dragging.
I've been off work since I found out I was pregnant, because I have m/c before and I'm a nervous wreck. I can't sleep. I have low iron levels which is making me exhausted. And anxiety is my worst enemy. Work is the last thing on my mind, I don't care enough.
Pregnancy symptoms this week; very sore boobs (which have swollen to twice their size and look awful), nausea more than sickness, but a couple of days I've actually been sick, and extreme tiredness. It's been ages since I put make-up on or actually brushed my hair properly. I can not wait to actually feel a million dollars.

That's it for week seven. 

 

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Dear Diary: 6 Weeks Pregnant

So it’s been just over a week since we found out that we’re expecting. I’m a nervous wreck.
Every cramp or every knock and I’m thinking something is wrong. I need to relax. We’re half way through the first trimester, yey! Every milestone! It’s crazy to think that I was pregnant for four weeks without knowing! But I’m glad that I didn’t find out at 2 weeks, I would have been crazy anxious.
I have been more crampy this week, and my stomach is now looking podgey, it’s not hard to touch just yet, but it’s definitely getting more round. I love it. Makes me smile every time I stroke my hand over my teenie tiny bump that’s forming.
I have felt really sick, but more nausea than sickness, I haven’t found anything like settles it really, and all I want to drink is milk, and eat absolutely ANYTHING! I am hungry ALL the time.
Oh my god, I can not tell you how sore my boobs are, it’s not fun!!! I can’t; walk, lay down, sit up, it’s a nightmare.
But on the exciting side, I have been given my first midwife appointment, on the 5^th of December, it can’t come quick enough, all the questions I have already, the appointment is going to last all day. I’ll be 9 weeks and a couple of days pregnant then. I was so excited I couldn’t stop smiling once I put the phone down to the midwife. My doctor has been my hero these last couple of weeks, everything I need she’s helped with, she has made me relax, and told me that she’s going to be there every step of the way! I really appreciate everything she’s doing for me, I need someone who is patient with me.
I’m finding it really difficult not to look and buy everything I see and like. But so far I have done really well not too.
We have decided that we’re going to get the gender scan too, one I will most likely want to see the baby again, and two for accuracy. I can’t wait to find out what my little bean is.

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Dear Diary: 5 Weeks Pregnant!

We haven’t long since found out. I have known about my little bean growing inside me for five days now, and got my dates “confirmed” (sort of) by the doctor only two days ago. I was over the moon when she confirmed that I am pregnant, it’s what I have wanted for a long time. I’m feeling very crampy and sick today though. I haven’t been sleeping very well so I’m exhausted, but it’s what’s to come anyway, so I better get used to it. I am very excited and can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t have a bump, but my belly is quite swollen and looks bloated.
I’m finding it difficult not to get worried about every little thing, because I want everything to be perfect and most of all I want my baby to be healthy. At this point I have only told a select few people, just the people I want round me incase something was to go wrong, and the people I know that will be around when everything is going great.
We have nick-named our growing baby “Baby-B” and that is what we refer to the baby as.
When we found out five days ago, Luke went out and bought me some lilies (my favourite flowers), a big teddy bear (names Klaus) and two Dr. Seuss books (Green Eggs & Ham, The Cat in the Hat), he’s a sweetie. Luke is feeling really nervous about this whole situation. It’s a tricky situation, but with something amazing within it. He’s going to be a great father, I know he is.
I have been signed off work for a week because I am just so tired and stressed out. I also found out that the reason I am so tired is because of my iron levels are really low, so I’m anaemic (which runs in the family, sort of), so I’m on iron tablets to help me get better. I don’t like my job much, because of the pressures, and it’s not the right place for me right now. When I go back to work, I am going to tell them about the pregnancy and speak to our HR department to see if there is anything they can do to make things a little less stressful.
I have made myself worry so much this week, with the cramps that are going on, and I was having a coughing fit and the sharpest pain happened at the bottom of my stomach to the side. Instantly panicked, Luke had to calm me down and tell me that I have probably just pulled a muscle or something, spoke to my mum who said the same thing. I guess it’s normal to worry though right?!
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow (06/11/14), because I had some blood test done earlier this week so I’m getting the results. This is also when I will find out when my antenatal appointment is. My doctor is also putting in for an early scan, for both mine and her peace of mind. So that’s something to look forward to.
I have worked out that the 12 week mark is Christmas Eve, so we can tell the world about our baby at Christmas, and hopefully I’ll have a scan picture to show everyone. I’m finding it so difficult to keep the news to myself. I can imagine it’s the same for the people I have told too. All I want to do is talk about it. BABY BRAIN!

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Dear Diary: We’re PREGNANT!!!!

(I wrote this on the 4th November, 4 days after we found out)
It’s happened already!!!
We have only been trying for a baby for just over a month now and it’s happened already. I can not express just how happy I am. Me and Luke have spoke about trying for a baby for what feels like forever, but never took that leap. Finally at the beginning of September I got him too agree to trying for a baby, it was something I had wanted since we had got married last October. From the moment we could start trying, I was doing everything by the book. I bought months worth of Folic Acid, and took it day by day religiously. I was eating the right food and was watching everything I did. Luke was also taking Vitamins. But I knew deep down that realistically it can take anywhere up to a year to conceive, but none the less I told myself I was feeling sick and something felt different, to be honest we had only been trying for 2 short weeks, so it was all in my head, that didn’t stop my from taking god knows how many pregnancy tests, all negative of course. I bought 30 “extra early” test off Amazon, and was testing every day until the end of September, never really getting too disheartened when they were all negative. I stopped taking the tests in October because I had a lot going on, I was away at the beginning of the month with work for a few days, so I was distracted, and then I went on my own holiday with Luke to Los Angeles, so it was “out” of my mind, sort of, I was very sick whilst I was on holiday and threw up, so the thought did cross my mind. We got home late Friday the 31^st (Halloween) and I just thought just take a test, the worst that happen is it’s negative. I did the test and was pottering around very JetLagged and just placed the test on the side not thinking of it for a few minutes, when I went back to it, I quickly glanced and did the fastest double take I have ever done in my life. Something was there!!! Adrenaline kicked straight in and my body took over, I could feel my heart pounding, my body shaking, my mind going dizzy, my eyes welling up, and that lump in my throat. There it was, the second red line. I instantly shouted for Luke, not really being able to calm down enough to tell him, finally getting it out and burst out crying. He hadn’t slept in a whole day but was wide awake at this point. He was laughing at me pacing up and down, crying but laughing at him too. I was so overwhelmed. The best feeling in the world. When I calmed down a bit I took another test, again it was positive, Luke finally feel asleep and I just laid wide awake next to him. Thinking of nothing but taking another test. An hour later (around 2am) I took another test, POSITIVE. Waited and waited all night I was awake waiting for Luke to wake up, finally about 7am he got up so I went and clearly (because I’m so rational) did another test, but this was a ClearBlue digital one, it actually said “PREGNANT” on it, I was bouncing on the moon at this point. It’s five days on since I found out and it’s all I have thought about. In total I have taken about 10 tests (because well that’s not crazy) the doctor laughed at me when I told her. But going to the doctors to confirm it has made it seem a little bit more real. She has told me to date my pregnancy from the 1^st of October, which will make me 5 weeks pregnant tomorrow, still very early days, but I have a great feeling about this. Everything is going to be okay.
Our lives changed forever on the 31^st of October when we took that first test.

Here’s to the next 8 months! And the rest of our lives.

We already love our Baby-B ‘more than the moon’ 

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