Dear Diary: Do I Believe in Fate?

I've always been one to say that everything happens for a reason. But I honestly can't put a reason on this one.

On Saturday night I was in a car accident. The first car accident of my entire life, and I was driving!

I'd like to say that is was a little bump with another car, but it wasn't. It was a full on, head on, airbag kind of crash.
I want to say I'm lucky I wasn't on my own, which in a sense I suppose I am, but that's not to say I feel lucky that my sister was with me in the passenger seat. I just mean that if she wasn't there I don't know how the night would of gone. She reacted so fast, and me so slow (after the crash). And this scares me.

I was driving home from doing our bi weekly shopping, and I turned onto our neighbourhood, I was just driving, literally 20 seconds away from my house, not thinking that this was going to happen. I must of been going about 15mph. When a blue car failed to give way on a side street, he looked like he was doing 50mph but in reality he was actually doing 25/30mph. He didn't even attempt to stop.
I don't really remember much of the crash in all honesty. I remember my sister gasping, seeing a blur of blue (the colour of the other car), but he had passed me, yet I knew I had hit him, I had already slammed on my brake, but it happened so fast.
I just remember seeing my airbag and smoke and by the time I had realised this, Abbie was around my car opening the door and I just panicked. My stomach was on fire, and so tight. I needed to make sure my baby was okay.

We had some really amazing help from our neighbours, who got me a chair and did all the ringing for an ambulance and police. Abbie ran around the corner to get Luke from the house. I can only imagine the panic in both of them. Luke says Abbie nearly smashed the door in and he had no idea, I guess everything goes into slow motion when you hear your heavily pregnant wife has just had a car crash. Abbie threw up there and then, I guess; the fear, the panic and the adrenalin was just to much.

I was sat waiting for the ambulance to come, begging they would be fast, because I just wanted to know my baby was okay. She started wriggling around as I was sat waiting, but my stomach was hurting so much. Not pain inside, outside, like someone had set it on fire. As I was waiting and everyone was making a fuss, I finally started to look around...
I saw my car!

 

I just couldn't believe that was my car, and that I had just crashed into another car.
I looked around for the other car, it was half way down the street it was aiming for, but had completely spun around, I saw that there was a massive dint from my car, along the backside of the passenger side. No were near the same amount of damage as my car.

I saw a man that looked like me might of been driving, his eyes were all red and he looked very distressed, he was about 25 years old. Then I was told he was the passenger and that the side airbag went off and hit his face and caught his eye. It was his dad, about 50 years old, that had been driving. Someone got all his details for me. But as we was waiting for the ambulance and police, he had approached me. He apologised and I could see how bad he felt.
I personally think that he's done that junction a few times and never had an accident, but now he's done it and caused this, with a pregnant lady I think guilt kicked in straight away for him.
I just sat there and looked at him, I couldn't say "it's okay" because it wasn't. I told him that I need to make sure my baby is okay!

Then the ambulance showed up and I was put into the back straight away. They did all the checks and said I needed to go to hospital but they didn't think my baby was in immediate danger.
She was still wriggling around...
I told the medics that my stomach was on fire at the top and it was so sore. They lifted my top and I just went into hyper-venting mode...

Them cuts and marks were all new, all I wanted to know was what damage this had caused for Indie, and was she safe. 

Eventually we set off to the hospital, with sirens and lights. It was scary... And it was on the way to the hospital then I just grabbed Luke's hand and burst out crying. This was the first time I had cried since it happened. It just hit me. I had been in a car crash, I had been in a crash with my sister, I had been in a crash whilst I'm pregnant, I was driving!

We got to the hospital at exactly 8pm. 

I calmed down when we got to the hospital and I was taken to the ward on a stretcher. The midwives took over straight away. 

First thing they did was check for the heartbeat using the handheld microphone thing. She found it straight away. I couldn't control myself, I was in floods of tears, and looked over to Luke who had also broke down. The relief that her heart was still beating, this was such a good sign. 

Whilst we was waiting to go onto the monitor, the police man turned up to talk to me. 

He told me the other driver had admitted to all fault, and he had given the correct statement. He told the police exactly what had happened. 

The police told me that he was being charged for a careless driving offence, which means 6 points on his license and he has to go on a course. Because he failed to stop at a give-way. 

At this point I wasn't bothered about all that, I was relieved that it wasn't a battle, it was black and white, his fault. But at the same time I wanted to know how he was, and his son. 

The police told me that they weren't taken to hospital, just treated at the scene and sent home. He told me not to worry about insurance, he had got all the details and wrote them down for me. He said to ring when I can and they will sort everything out for me. 

Before he went he told me the other driver wanted to know if I was okay with the police man letting him know how I got on. 

So he (the police man) set up a password with the hospital to get access to my details. 

I was then moved to another room where they put me on the monitor for an hour and 45 minutes. 

Her heart was strong and she was wriggling around. She was letting me know she was okay! She went quiet (movement wise) for about 20 minutes, so I had to stay on a bit longer, but the midwives said it was normal, it's just they don't move as much when they are sleeping. 

But everything was so reassuring. 

At this point my mum, her husband and my sister came up. They had been taken to A&E to check over my sister. She was looking so pale, scared and tired. She had sprained her neck, shoulder and left arm. So she was in pain with that. 

I just felt in that moment that we both were very lucky, grateful for our seat belts and just lucky it wasn't a few second later... 

I know you shouldn't think like that, but if I was a second later, he would of crashed into the side of me. And he would of caused a lot more damage to me and the baby.

A doctor came and saw me about 1am, and told me I had to stay over night for observation. It was around 2am that I got a bed. I didn't have any over night stuff, so I had to sleep in my t-shirt and underwear, so uncomfortable. 

Saying bye to Luke and everyone was hard, I know how worried everyone was. 

But we had been told all signs are looking great, babies movements are strong, her heartbeat healthy and that staying in was just routine. 

I managed to get 2 hours sleep at the most. And that morning about 10am I was put on the monitor again. 

And she was perfect. He heart beating as strong as it is was the best sound ever. The doctor came and examined me to make sure I wasn't going into labour, thank god I wasn't. But she said I need to be scanned to make sure everything was okay. So I have an appointment on Tuesday morning for that. 

She told me they are probably going to get me to about 38 weeks and induce me. She told me this wasn't anything to do with the crash, it was for the static growth reasons. 

I was sent home on bed rest. 

All I keep thinking is "what if" and it's such a bad way to think. 

Both me and my sister can't believe we was in a car accident and that we aren't seriously hurt. 

Maybe it happened to tell me to stop panicking so much about the baby, and if she can survive something like this, then she can survive my every day life. 

Maybe it just happened because that's life and shit happens. I don't know. 

Is it fate? Or just life? 

Right now all that matters is that every one involved is not seriously hurt.