I've not been sleeping when Indie sleeps, so I end up sitting on the sofa for hours staring into space and before I know it my entire day has gone.
Luke is back to work now so maybe I will find a routine and finally get us sorted.
Week one:
For the first two days of Indie's life we was still in hospital and everything felt amazing. We had the protection of the midwifes, and knowing that if anything was wrong or hard they could help me. That and I had Indie to myself most of the time. Most of the days it was just me, Luke and Indie and visiting times were limited. It gave us that much needed bonding time with Indie. That and I was able to breastfeed at the hospital because I had the help of the midwives.
Indie One Day Old
As soon as I got home on that Sunday I really tried to make a big deal of Elijah (our doggy) and give him lots of attention, we introduced him to Indie straight away, he just had a sniff and walked away, not 100% sure what she was. I had done a lot of research into pets around babies, and it's really important not to shut out your dog. So that's what we did.
The midwives came the next day and really tried helping me feed her, but Indie just wasn't getting it. I tried everything, skin to skin, different positions, everything you can think of. The midwives spent two hours with me but it just wasn't happening. They told me for that night to express and syringe feed her so they knew she was getting enough food. This was so upsetting for me. You either bond through breastfeeding, or you bond through bottle feeding, but me I had to syringe feed my baby, and it felt awful. I was so upset seeing my baby feed like this. But we had a better nights sleep, but by the end of the night I thought I just want to bottle feed her, as nice as the breastfeeding felt when we could do it, the stress and the upset wasn't worth it. I remember thinking to myself "I just hope she stays asleep so I she doesn't need feeding" and that wasn't how you should feel, you should enjoy your new born. The midwives rang me and I told them about formula feeding and they talked me into expressing into bottles instead of the formula. So I got my head around that but then I went to express and just blood came out! That was it, 3 hours of crying on the phone to the midwives I just gave her formula. This was the best decision I have ever made, she took to it straight away and she was so content from it that I knew it was the right choice for us. We had an amazing nights sleep that night and I was able to start enjoying her waking up. I was excited even. Making her bottles was so much fun, and seeing her finish a whole feed was amazing.
This whole week went really fast. So many visitors came, I was so happy that everyone wanted to come and see her. She got so many presents and cards and I can't thank everyone enough. My time with Luke and Indie didn't exist for a few days though, but the odd moments that is was just us was very precious. Nights became easier and we got ourselves into our own little routine. But towards the end of the week tiredness crept up on me and I was exhausted. I just never had time to sleep.
But Indie was perfect, she hardly ever cried and she loved to sleep on my chest. When she was awake, she was so content, I love looking in her eyes. Figuring her out was a challenge for us but so worth it, she might of been a bit young to have a big personality, but I like to think she did.
We went to my aunties wedding that weekend, so my family got to meet her. It was really nice to get out of the house, do my make-up, my hair and dress up a bit. And getting Indie dressed up in a pretty pink dress instead of baby-grows was really nice. I was so proud to show her off. I loved taking her pram out made me feel like a proper mummy I loved pushing it, the sense of pride that it gave me. We stayed at my mums for a couple of days that weekend, and Luke wasn't with me. I missed him a lot that weekend, and he missed Indie like crazy. It was nice to get home to him.
My first week was over and I couldn't believe how fast it went.
Indie One Week Old
Week two:
This entire week was hectic, every day we had visitors planned, at one point we had 5 sets of visitors in one day, it was ridiculously tiring. But everyone wanted to see Indie whilst she was so small. I didn't mind, I was just so tired, trying to get the house clean every time people had been, and not being able to nap because there just wasn't time, it was hard work. Both me and Luke felt very tired. But again showing her off to everyone was amazing, I am ridiculously proud of her and too smitten. We had a lot of doctors appointments within this week, but it was so nice to get out and about with her. Just walking down the streets with her in her pram made me feel like a proper mummy. At night time when it was just me, Luke and Indie, I would just sit and watch her for hours. Talking to her and finally her eyes locking in on me was amazing. And she still wasn't much of a crier, she would wake me up by cooing in her moses basket, this is the best noise in the world.
Elijah was getting more used to his attention being split, but every now and again he would really push himself into everything, it was really sweet really. One day me, Luke and Abbie were all gathered around Indie, who was lying on my bed, and Elijah walked over, rolled on his back and laid next to Indie, just so we could all fawn over him too. I managed to get a little photo shoot of him and Indie together...
Elijah & Indie
A lot of people worry about having their pets near their babies like this, but it's so important. I trust Elijah with my life, and it's not like I would ever leave them like this alone and leave the room. But I want Indie to grow up loving all creatures and animals, it's so important for her to be respectful, and it's great for Elijah to know his boundaries. If you shut your pet out because of the baby, they become upset, depressed, resentful. They will do anything for your attention because a dog can love unconditionally, but shutting them out will make them do naughty things for attention. Elijah has now started sitting next to her bouncer chair when she is in it, to protect her. I know they are going to be best friends when she is older.
Week two was over faster than my first week, and we really didn't achieve much around the house, but my daughter is well fed, clean and content, and that is all the matters.
Indie Two Weeks Old
Week three:
Luke made me promise that we wouldn't have visitors this week, as it was his last week off work and he wanted to spend some quality time with me and Indie. Abbie (my sister) was also off work this week, so she had Indie in her room overnight to give me and Luke a full nights sleep. Easier said than done, I made my sister sleep with her bedroom door open, and kept mine open too so I could listen incase she didn't get up when Indie woke up. Both me and Luke woke up every time Indie did, but we managed to restrain ourselves from getting out of bed and getting her. My sister did really well and when I got up in the morning she was already downstairs with Indie, it was really nice to sleep in until 8.
The week started out really good, I went and sorted out a car on the Monday, and drove it away the same day, driving with Indie in the back was so nerve wrecking after what happen with the accident. But I did it, and it felt good to have that freedom again. The first place we drove to was Applewood Farm, and that was the first restaurant we took Indie too. Again it was nice to do something like that. Just getting out and about like that really helped me feel good, and whenever we went out people would look at and ask about Indie, which I just loved.
The best bit about having a car again was being able to go over to my mums. Knowing that if I needed her I could drive up there. It really just feels like that freedom, because I knew that without my car, and living in Manchester when family live in Accrington, I would be truly stuck, there would be no way I could manage the train on my own with Indie. So I am so happy to have wheels back.
Indie was now realising that if she made a noise that we would jump to her, she started getting very clingy in the week and wouldn't sleep unless she was on someone. So I tried to put her down even when she was awake, but then she started to realise what was doing and now the crying has started. During the day this isn't so bad, because I love snuggling her, but I know I made the rod for my own back because during the night, she just wouldn't go down in her moses basket, and at the early hours of the morning, it was impossible for me to stay awake long enough to cradle her into a deep sleep, but it would make for a grumpy mummy and grumpy baby, but daddy became our hero and stepped in every time I just couldn't open my eyes. I've always been great at waking up until now, I think for the amount of tired nights it all just caught up on me.
On the Saturday my mum went on holiday and this was a bad day for us, I was so worried about not having someone to talk to if something was wrong with Indie. Luke even joked about having to get himself ready to make lots of hospital trips. I literally am that paranoid. But it was also knowing that Luke was going back to work and I would be on my own with Indie for the first time. I was so nervous.
Indie was really changing in her looks. She was gaining weight and her features becoming more dominant. She was still just so lovely to stare at, she's just absolutely beautiful. And she could no longer fit into her newborn baby-grows, but still 0-3months are still to big. I couldn't believe how fast 3 weeks had gone.
Week three was over, and I was dreading week four...
Indie Three Weeks Old
Week Four:
Monday morning wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I thought that when Luke went off to work that would be it, I would be on my own. But Abbie didn't start work until 3 that afternoon so I wasn't on my own until then. I felt a bit better knowing that. Luke messaged me what felt like every 10 minutes to make sure I was okay with Indie and Elijah, I could tell it was killing him being away from us.
Indie was getting very clingy and really didn't like being put down to sleep. So I would spend hours a day just sat in front of the tele doing nothing around the house. But everyone was telling to leave the house work and just concentrate on myself and Indie. I was getting very tired though, I knew I needed to sleep when she did, but it was so difficult, I think out of the whole week I managed to nap once on one of the days. I think it will start getting easier when I start learning to leave her when she is whinging.
Over these last couple of weeks Indie has really struggled to get her wind up and we would spend hours with her trying everything we could think of. So when I went to get her weighed on Tuesday I mentioned it to the health visitor and she told me to take Indie to baby massage and they will show me ways to help her with wind, colic and even the bit of constipation Indie was struggling with.
The health visitor was impressed with her weight gain, and I was relieved to know that she was putting on weight the way she should. Not that there was cause for concern, but my being constantly paranoid never helps.
Knowing that the health visitors are literally just down the road, I started to feel a bit less "on my own" and I have started to relax a lot more. I'm not constantly worried that some thing is wrong with her.
This week has gone really well, we just need to get this clinginess in order, I don't want her not to be able to sleep on her own, or even go in her chair, otherwise I'm going to struggle to get anything done. Right now though, I would be lying if I said I don't love it when she settles and sleeps on my chest.
Indie Four Weeks Old
Indie at four weeks old:
We are really trying to get her to clock in on us when we are talking to her, even trying to get her to smile, which is not happening. But she really pays attention when we are talking to her, she stares at us and the look on her face is priceless, she just looks amazed all the time. She has really found her voice and has started to coo at herself, at the rare occasions that she will sit on her own in her chair. She loves exploring with her hands. I really think that she might start sucking her thumb, she hasn't found it yet, but she will suck on her fingers (not in a "I'm hungry" way). She's not a big fan of her dummy, but every now and again it relaxes her. She really doesn't like sleeping on her back, her favourite place is led on her stomach on my chest, but if you do put her down, she prefers to be on her side, with her hand under her face, it's adorable.
Sleeping Indie
I also bought a baby carrier the other day, so I can start taking Elijah on walks during the day, I don't feel like I can handle the pram and Elijah on my own. Plus I can't take the pram across the fields. I love it though, I feel like I am pregnant again when wearing it (the good parts of pregnancy). It also felt so nice to have her close to me when I was out. Walking seemed to really relax us both, taking Elijah for a walk felt nicely normal, and having Indie there made it special. I used to be freaked out about baby carriers always thinking the worst 'what if you fell over and landed on your baby' but since having a baby, you know you will do anything to protect them and keep them safe. You walk with care, and even if you was falling, you would land on your hands and knees, you would break you wrists before landing on that child. Plus I could of fallen during pregnancy I suppose.
My little girl is four weeks old already, and she is just as precious as one day old.
I'm looking forward to the weeks ahead.
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